The Da Vinci Load

The synopsis of this porno flick just killed me.

http://www.excaliburfilms.com/adultdvd/107179D1_Da_Vinci_Load_The_dvd.htm

Synopsis for The Da Vinci Load: "The truth cums out! Operatives of the Priory of Semen discover that Leonardo Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa using his own sperm, these keepers of the truth screw in the name of art and kill anyone who gets in their way."

Learning HTML Made Easy

This is the best tool that I have ever seen for understanding the basics of HTML tags.

Technorati Tags:
yellowbeard, yellowblog, HTML

Worst Way to Get Dumped

del.icio.us is the best

Technorati Tags:
del.iciol.us, yellowbeard, yellowblog

Everybody should get a del.icio.us account. This is such a great concept and it is infinitely useful. Flickr allows you to share your photos, MySpace allows you the share your buddy list, and del.icio.us allows you to share your bookmarks. I realize that referencing MySpace along with Flickr & del.icio.us is wrong on many levels. Instead of ranting like I so often do (this can do it for me) let me just say that MySpace is the internet for idiots where as Flickr & del.icio.us are truely brilliant and cutting edge programable web sites.

First thing to do is to sign up for a FREE del.icio.us account. Then go here download and install the del.icio.us Firefox extension. Once again if you are not using Firefox get off the fucking internet. This will put a button next to your location bar. When you come across a site that you find interesting you hit the button, type whatever you want in the pop up window that appears as far as title, notes, and tags then post it. The tags are very important because they allow you and all other del.icio.us users to find relevant bookmarks.

Take a look at my account. I have started tagging sites that I want to check out later with tocheckout. I might not have time to read them at the moment or maybe it is inappropriate for work. By doing this I can log into my del.icio.us account from any where and to a tag search for tocheckout and all of the relevant bookmarks will come up. The site like Flickr also supports offers RSS feeds so I can subscribe to tags or someone else's account. Then every-time there is an update my news aggregator will inform me.

My ultimate goal is to find a few people with a knack for finding interesting shit on the net. Having them post said interesting shit to their del.icio.us account which I subscribe to along with my own. Then with a simple AppleScript getting it to roll the better bookmarks or maybe ones tagged with "posttoyellowblog" into one blog post. There for providing interesting and more unique content which will generate more hits!

Neo vs. Robocop

Between seeing this vid and watching 24 end on Monday something occurred to me. I haven't seen Robocop in a really long time. It was always one of my favorite movies when I was a kid. I nearly wore that old VHS tape out watching it over and over again. If anyone out there has a copy they would like to share with me, shoot me an email.

Lewis Black is fun to listen to at work

Jack Baur attacks a Christmas Tree

Just when you think you've seen it all

I downloaded a vid this morning from Stile of a girl shooting ping pong balls out of her ass into another girls mouth. Not twisted enough for you? Me neither, what really did it for me was watching the guy pack them in with his dick. I hadn't laughed so hard for awhile, and my week long bad mood instantly disappeared. So I have linked it below for your enjoyment:

pingpogballzinyourass.wmv

*note right click or save as file is 26 MB and will not stream well.

Cookin Steak

Cookin Steak
Originally uploaded by YellowbeardMac.

I haven't had steak for a really long time, but we cooked these Know Names on Monday for Mothers day. I secretly drank about 5 of the rents beers in the 2 hours that I was there. I just stayed outside with the grill and beer. When I got board I took this picture.

This is my first post VIA my Flickr account. I am interested to see how this turns out because I use Flickr a lot.

My Grandma tha G

How do i love thee?
Let me count tha ways:



1) Riding & Driving the tractors

2) Allowing me to toucher her cats

3) Spending summers with her & cousins for Bible School (yes that's right readers)

4) Giving me my 1st and only motorcycle (and allowing me to tear shit up around the farm with it)

5) Letting me drive her car on the highway at 13 years old

6) Allowing (+encouraging in some cases) me to burn & blow up shit at her house!

7) That tire swing (good times)

8) Torturing her cats

Wait I am starting to repeat myself now. What brought on this post? Grandma tha G is now 80...some years old and I just got to spend some time with her today. This got me to thinkin' about a lot of things. (appropriate paragraph break)

Yes, contrary to popular believe old people still do serve a purpose. They remind us of our own mortality, and regrets. It makes me think about someone who you might have took for granted. Who you never realize was important to you until it was to late. You could also look at them and take into perspective all the things that they went through in there life. A life that was so different and in an uncomprehensible time of your own. You might just be able to gain a little bit of insight and perspective to help you on your way. (possibly inappropriate paragraph break? to keep me from rambling)

I will outlive Grandma tha G, and I still don't know how I will feel about that? I am scared to think about it. I have been in a negative mood all week and I think that this is the most positive thing that has came from that (gaining perspective). That although regrettably, through her possibly soon and appending doom she will be at the very least survived and remembered by people who LOVED her. These people are in an abundance... And in the end what more can we really hope for?

(p.s.) Ya that 2nd paragraph is fuck, put if I don't post it now then I probably never will. And yes it is that kind of blog WE ACCEPT ALL KINDS (of posts) HERE!....post

Life As A Guy...

Life As A Guy...

Video sent by SaveManny

My first video blog, well technically it is Daily Motion's but these are really easy to post here. They will also be going into my links sidebar. Now I wonder if I can to the same with MyTube?

Beer Cheaper Than Gas

Well it is FREE BEER! night so this is appropriate.

Town won't let unmarried parents live together

Town won't let unmarried parents live together: "Read full story for latest details."

Holy shit are we going back to the 1920's or what here? Evicting people who don't meet "The town's definition of family"? This has got to be the most ridiculous thing that I have ever herd. I know a lot of people who wouldn't meet Black Jack Missouri's misplaced standards. Come on people get of your self righteous high horse and get with the times. god is dead and he is not coming back anyone who believes otherwise is a fool. With the fall of our "almighty lord and saviour" we have also seen the defeat or redefining of some of this fictional characters institutions. Or rather the institutions of religious fanatics.

...part II coming later

(Via CNN.com.)

The HJ Post

The Question: What is with you and HJ's... They are way overrated

The Answer:
The HJ should be talked about to the point where it is acceptable in everyday life. It is so meaningless, but yet so good. I should be able to get one at a restaurant after my meal & before I get my check. I should be able to march right upstairs & get and HJ from the engaged girl sleeping in my spare bedroom gilt free for both parties. Mrs. J (AFB's Mom) can give me a HJ & you won't have any problem with it.

this is not over, there is so much i can say about HJs. but i am drunk and hung over, if i keep thinking about it i might start walking the streets requesting HJs from everyone I see....

Photoshop Fun with Billy

Thanks to my excellent Fuj Porn Series & Metz Broke J's Back I got another somewhat confusing request on Friday to Photoshop someone's head onto the gay cowboys. Billy sent me the following email:

"this one will be worth any drink/appitizer of your choice next Tuesday, put
our IT guy's mug on spiderman's face"

This was presented to me as a "Challenge" combined with the offer of FREE BOOZE, and the fact that these only take me about 5-10 minutes I was more than happy to comply. So I quickly made up this pic:

This is when I learned that Billy thought that the dark haired gay cowboy was played by the same guy who played Spiderman. (Jake Gyllenhaal vs. Toby McGwire)

"im sorry, imeant gay cowboy, i was refering to spiderman as the actor who
played him, my bad"

This earned Billy a space in his own joke. Realizing that this might VOID his FREE DRINK offer, I decided to do it anyway.

What's Worse than Breeders

The people who encourage them by throwing baby showers. Seriously this woman came in and made me type the shit below. I almost puked, unfortunately I wasn't the one to take the order otherwise she would have gotten the annoying customer, or standard christian customer Mark-Up.

*inversely there is also the hot-chick discount!

Pregnoid’s

a “Mom-to-be,”

the Dad, of course

is her (fill in guys name or just sperm doner).

Life is changing

they will see:

a changing diapers

they will be.

Bouncing baby

on their knees,

sponging off

the poop and pee,

teaching baby

ABCs

right from wrong

and 123’s.

A challenge? Sure!

We all agree.

But filled with joy

and ecstasy.

So before their

household

grows to three,

before baby joins

their family tree,

let’s share a meal,

let’s all party.

Let’s give Pregnoid gifts

(see her registry.)

Oh what fun

it’s going to be

when we celebrate

with Pregnoid.

A baby shower for the Pregnoid by 3 clueless friends
Pregnoid is registered at: Babies ‘R Us
babiesrus.com Her colors: (WTF does this mean anyway?)

Maybe I should write my own version of this clever poem?

HA! #33 couldn't agree more this fucking bitch is UGLY

#33 - Sarah Jessica Parker – Awww, America’s sweetheart. If she lived in Salem present-day, they might dig up some old witch-burning practices. All I’m saying is that she looks like a witch. And not the “sexy” kind gals dress up like on Halloween. She looks like a witch that has flying monkeys and makes weird soup.

The 50 Unsexiest Women in the World: "Section: The World"

(Via The Phat Phree - Happy Birthday Daisy Duke!.)

Best Waiter Ever

We had the best waiter ever for FREE BEER night at Major's last night. The guy kept taunting us to drink more and when 6 o'clock rolled around (last call for FREE BEER) he set us up with what is pictured above. Needless to say he got a really good tip.