Yellowblog

Girls Enjoy Fisting

2007-07-08T09:06:00.001-05:00

Holy DickShit

2007-04-22T11:03:00.000-05:00

I have not logged on here for a long time. now my gmail account is tied to my blog.

Go here for all the updates:

hjays.com has launched

2006-11-05T08:32:00.000-06:00

Please go and check out the new site. I got it up and running last week.

New Posts Available

2006-10-08T13:50:00.000-05:00

Blogger is still not working with MarsEdit and I am not motivated to troubleshoot it. The new posts are here:
new blog

Great Now Blogger Works

2006-09-23T10:39:00.000-05:00

But my real site is down due to my shitty service provider "provisioning a new server". Although the site is up I am unable to update anything on it. It has been this way since Wednesday. I have plenty of new stuff to post and am going to be compiling more today thanks to the shitty weather hear in MN.

The good news is that I have finally chosen a domain name and uDaMan is going to purchase if for me a long with a hosting package for the next 2 years. Through extensive research and some good recommendations I am going with Dreamhost for my hosting package. This is all very exciting and well timed due to the fact that my current contract with the shitty host will expire in Nov. So stay tuned I have some great ideas the trick as usual is just finding the motivation and time to implement them.

Blogger is a Mess

2006-09-09T11:40:00.000-05:00

Seriously Blogger is a fucking mess now, I cannot post shit via my client anymore. New posts are at michael.macosx.com/blog.

I will be posting all weekend so just go there for the updates.

Blogger is fucking me again

2006-08-29T12:48:00.000-05:00

New Posts Located Here

http://michael.macosx.com/blog/

Again

2006-08-24T19:56:00.000-05:00

The real post is on the new blog http://michael.macosx.com/blog/ Once again I am having trouble with the Blogger API and MarsEdits. So fuck em, this is the 1st post that is unique to the new server.

Again
Originally uploaded by YellowbeardMac.

Interesting Links on August 23rd

2006-08-23T15:40:00.000-05:00

Technorati Tags:
yellowbeard, yellowblog, links

Points on this piece of crap? Thanks, but I'll take the cash.

2006-08-19T11:44:00.000-05:00

Here is an interesting Animal House fact that I found on yesbutnobutyes.com this morning. The rest of the article 20 Questionable Career Moves in Entertainment History has some interesting info as well. I didn't know that shit about Will Smith being Neo and Tom Selleck being Indiana Jones.

Donald Sutherland takes a small role in Animal House, requiring two days work. Sutherland is offered either a $40,000 flat fee or a percentage of the film's gross...he opts for the flat fee. A decision which cost him over 30 million dollars. In Donald's defense, they did find pods in his basement before filming began, so who knows what was going on. This is a classic Hollywood story. What would you have done? Everyone from Chevy Chase to Bill Murray had passed on the flick, so it didn't have that promising a start. Oh well...spilt milk and all. Hey, you ever seen Kelly's Heroes...great flick.

PS3 vs. Wii - Apple Style!

2006-08-19T10:09:00.000-05:00

"I am cheap and easy"

This seems very appropriate due to the fact that tonight I might be attending a party for a now former Nintendo employee. I cannot wait to ask him why he left the company now when the buzz is that the Wii is going to be the hottest most innovative new video system coming out. Also he will be giving friend 1st crack at all the Nintendo goodies he has collected over the years from his position with the company, before selling them on ebay.

Passing the Pencil Test

2006-08-17T10:55:00.000-05:00

So I came across this song today by The Acacia Strain named Passing the Pencil Test. This sounded vaguely familiar and prompted a Wikipedia search that returned this result:

An informal test for determining if a woman needs to wear a bra. A pencil is placed in the fold beneath the breast and chest. If the pencil does not fall, the woman has "failed the pencil test" and needs to wear a bra.

That was defiantly what I was thinking of, but probably not what The Acacia Strain was trying to say in the songs lyrics:

7. Passing the Pencil Test
She woke up this morning with a bad hangover.
Tonight she will be going to bed without her insides.
Never cross me.
This just in; this is the scene of a crime.
Murder victims rarely play their own defense.
So you have no chance at winning that.
If I can't hear you scream, then no one can.
Because I'm right here and my hearing is perfect.
I'll say hello to your family in court.
And nothing can stop me.
And no on can save you.
I'll turn your world upside down.
There is a reason for my actions.
There is a reason I raise my voice.
This isn't going to be long term.
I'll fuck you, kill you, and leave you.

So needless to say I am very confused about the title of this song. Based on the lyrics of the song it just sounds like another death metal song about raping and killing. On the other hand could The Acacia Strain simply be saying that women with small breasts will be used up and tossed away? Left alone to feel dead inside and abused simply because of the fact that their tits weren't up to par? Anyway here is the link to the song so have a listen for yourself and let me know what you think.

Camel Toe!

2006-08-14T12:33:00.000-05:00

Stock Car 2006 - Mulherada
Originally uploaded by olhosatentos.

Not that is some mighty fine Camel Toe!!

ladys karneval

2006-08-13T08:28:00.000-05:00

ladys karneval
Originally uploaded by KingJosch.

Some great ass shots on Flickr. Just follow the link back to the gallery.

GCast Test

2006-08-12T11:25:00.000-05:00

Subscribe Free
Add to my Page

Well I am on my way

2006-08-10T15:48:00.000-05:00

Setting up WordPress was just this easy

Seriously you wouldn't believe how easy this thing was to set up. Now I am going to spend as much time as I can experimenting and tweaking this shit!

Exciting Website News

2006-08-09T12:47:00.000-05:00

I actually got to work on some items on my To Do list today. One of them has been to check out WordPress for blog posting. So I signed up for a free account and started poking around. Using MarsEdit I was able to easily repost my most recent post here onto my new WordPress account. Finding it strange that my linked Flickr images fell out I started poking around the user forums. This is when I discovered that WordPress offers a free copy of it blogging shell that you can install and run on your own web host. This all moves me one giant step closer to consolidating everything into one website. Doing so will enable me to take the site to another level creating more learning opportunities for myself, ultimately more hits and god forbid maybe even a little revenue. I would probably have this up and running already if it weren't for my shitty web host. My site is currently down so I have no way of testing this. Since I am very excited and currently motivated I will try and have something up by the end of the week.

Snowboarding is a Long Way Off

2006-08-04T14:01:00.000-05:00

Snowboard
Originally uploaded by Andrea Fenoglio.

I really want to go snowboarding right now. Been thinking about it a lot the past two weeks. I really hope that I can afford it this year. Last year we just walked on a couple times a week at Wild Mountain without buying a pass. Although it worked out great last year and saved me a lot of money I am a little apprehensive about doing it again. Not because of any moral hang-ups about stealing. I mean fuck them $30 is way to much to pay to ride down there stupid fucking hill for an hour or so. The real problem is my fear of getting cought. At my age it would be pretty stupid to get arrested for something so petty, but I can totally see this happening.

Bikini
Originally uploaded by Mjillla.

In the meantime I wouldn't mind attending this snowboard camp. Something about bikini girls in the snow always excites me!

20060109211623_dsc_0707
Originally uploaded by chriscom.

And this shot is just plain good.

Some CraigsList Freaks

2006-08-01T12:41:00.000-05:00

Not one of the funniest posts that I have ever read. Gorilla Mask Forum has the best collection in their Preserved Craig's Listings Thread. This one just gave me a good laugh around noon today because I started to picture the inept douchebag who like to watch other guys fuck his wife. If anyone who reads this actually replies to the ad you better get some pictures for me. Apparently this chicken head is into that shit, and as we all know THAT'S GOOD INTERNET!

attractive couple looking for nice guy to satisfy me:) - 32
Reply to: pers-188851234@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-08-01, 11:35AM CDT

Hi, we are nice, clean..and hubby is cuckold.
My hubby loves to watch me have fun with other men. He loves to watch,
everything, so this works out pretty good for that "third wheel":)
We have done this before and it always turns out to be a positve experience. I am fit, funny, and fair game!! I am pretty photogenic too:)

hope to hear from you:)

Hot Ass Dimples

2006-08-01T08:54:00.000-05:00

Hot Ass Dimples
Originally uploaded by toastycakes.

Ass Dimples are worth blogging!!

In response to comments

2006-07-31T15:23:00.000-05:00

Let me start by saying that I always appreciate the comments that I receive. Thanks to Stat Counter and face to face communications I know that there are a lot more readers out there who just don't leave comments. Don't worry I am not writing another "Leave a Fucking Comment Post" Instead I am writing in response to a particular comment from the most frequent commentator.

AFB said...

WTF is this shit. The is link sucks ass..... If your blog is going to be filled with this kind of shit, I will not visit it. anjaka is a fucking homo

--AFB

Now I refuse to sensor my comments. Anyone can write what ever the hell they want and I will not delete it. That is unless of course I suspect that the post is from a bot. Blogger has been seriously attached by hackers using bots at least 3 times that I have noticed since January. The blogs still remain up and readable, but new posts and comments are unable to be created. What these bots will usually do is create a buch of fake comments on a blog linking to ads or other blogs to produce revenue for the particular hacker who created the bot. Since I love comments so much I have notifications turned on. This causes blogger to send me an email notification telling me that there is a new comment. These bots have caused me to receive between 20 and 30 emails. The first time I had to manually delete all of the fake comments. Second time blogger did it for me. After the third time I didn't get notified or even see comments I was just denied access for awhile. This shows that blogger has been doing a good job of preventing these kinds of attacks. Anyone who has ever posted a comment will have seen one of these methods when prompted to enter a code do prove that they are human.

Anyway to make a long story even longer I believe that "anjaka" was a bot. It was a pretty damn good one to because it caused AFB to visit that lame ass blog that was overpopulated with ads. I wonder how much of it he actually read before coming back here and commenting. When I tried to track down "anjaka" I found that the profile had already been deleted. That brought me to this Scott Beau looking motherfucker. He is most likely responsible for either creating anjaka or hiring someone to do it for him. Either way I don't want to send him any traffic. However, if anyone feels the need to go over there an leave a nasty fucking comment, I can't stop you.

....to fully make up for it here is a link to a fantastic blog post. I didn't have a chance to read much else, but I was very satisfied after reading this. Just check it out and you will see why.

Crawley kids in a tilgate park

2006-07-28T10:31:00.000-05:00

This one got me laughing pretty hard this morning. It starts out slow, but the payoff is huge!

Lance Bass is Gay

2006-07-26T17:34:00.000-05:00

I don't know if this is old new, but it is certainly new to me. Personally I find this fucking hilarious and am now wondering which other boy band member will come out of the closet next. I would gestimate conservatively that at least 25% are into man ass. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I am not a conservative religious fascist or an ignorant redneck. It just helps to prove my theory that boy bands are gay and/or complete fucking posers.

http://www.spin.com/features/news/2006/07/060726_lancebass/

The Bloody Cunt Receptionist

2006-07-26T11:48:00.000-05:00

10:09:19 AM AFB: OMG
10:09:36 AM AFB: Dude, check out the email I just got from the receptionist

10:09:52 AM AFB: We were emailing about Iron count for the Blood Drive

10:10:18 AM AFB: The sad thing is, I just had an awesome steak on Saturday! My blood cunt should have been good ;(

10:10:43 AM Yellowbeard: ha bloody cunts are never good

10:10:54 AM Yellowbeard: is she fly go get a pic of her

10:11:01 AM AFB: No

10:11:13 AM AFB: She is older. Nice redhead.. BUt married with children

10:11:23 AM AFB: I wonder if I should tell her about the slip!

10:12:05 AM Yellowbeard: for sure, just reply with it in quotes and say: i think i found a typo in this sentence.

10:12:24 AM AFB: I cant believe it made it past spell check!

10:14:32 AM Yellowbeard: well my spell check flags it on only 2 of the 4 applications i just tried it on 1 for 2 on email clients

10:14:48 AM AFB: Hmm

10:14:59 AM AFB: If I reply to that message, I will go down!

10:15:22 AM Yellowbeard: go down on her bloody cunt?

10:15:55 AM AFB: NASTY

10:16:16 AM Yellowbeard: u said it not me, freak

10:16:32 AM AFB: I didnt say that!

10:17:06 AM Yellowbeard: "If I reply to that message, I will go down!" then WTF is that supposed to mean?

10:17:31 AM AFB: Like down as in verbally repromanded by the x starved HR lady

10:18:21 AM Yellowbeard: that is BS all you did was catch a typo

10:18:49 AM AFB: I knwo

10:19:04 AM AFB: But I dont think I am going to tell her. SHe will feel retarded

10:25:32 AM darbarcer: I told her

10:27:17 AM yellowbeardmac: well what did she say?

10:27:46 AM darbarcer: She hasn't responded yet

10:35:27 AM darbarcer: She just called me to APOLOGIIZE!

Here is the email correspondence that started it all:
Bloody Cunt Receptionist:
A big "Thank you!" to everyone who participated in Monday's Blood Drive!

We ended up making our goal this time around (a minimum of 35 pints drawn), not always an easy feat! Here are the numbers:

AFB:
It would have been 34 useable Pints, but I didn't tell them about my Bovine injections in the Congo!

Bloody Cunt Receptionist:
Or about the needle-sharing episodes, eh???

AFB:
No, I told them about that... They let THAT slide... They said I had good Iron count!

Bloody Cunt Receptionist:
Oh, as oppsed to ME, is that it?!?

AFB:
Oh no, I didn't say that! I heard (other girl) just barely made it though... She needs to eat more red meat! All you ladies do Get that count up a bit!

Bloody Cunt Receptionist:
The sad thing is, I just had an awesome steak on Saturday! My blood cunt should have been good ;(

Faeries at the Comic-Con

2006-07-26T11:05:00.000-05:00

Faeries at the Comic-Con
Originally uploaded by calibre68.

Just when I think I am getting sick of hearing about all the cool shit that goes on at comic-con I see something like this. Knowing that these hot ass women were walking around dressed like this makes me wish that I was there.

Fucking Xcel Energy

2006-07-26T08:47:00.000-05:00

Apologies to any one who is attempting to hit my FTP site today. Most notably for the Slayer download, but also most of the other links provided in this blog. My fucking power went out again last night at 12:33 am. I know the exact time because my alarm clock went off for some odd reason and I got up and noted the time. The FTP server is set up to restart itself if it is shut down however there is one flaw in my set up. I am using DHCP to provide my IP addresses with the server set to the DMZ host. Well as everyone knows when the server leases a new IP from the router it will not necessarily be the same IP that is designated as the DMZ host. I have been spoiled lately because knowing this I remember to check and 9 times out of 10 it happens to pull the same IP. Today was one of those times when I forgot to check before leaving the house and of course it pulled a different one.

2 Things in closing:
a) I am getting really sick of this power outage shit. Even if it is only a flash off and on it really fucks up all my computer shit. Since this is happening on a bi-weekly bases I think it is time to write a letter to Xcel to complain before some expensive piece of hardware of mine gets fried.

b) Fixing my IP problem is really easy enough all I have to do is tell the server to lease a static IP and set that to the DMZ host. Sometimes I don't know why I am so fucking lazy.

Slayer - Christ Illusion - 2006

2006-07-25T13:09:00.000-05:00

That's right new SLAYER album (release date 8/8/06). For any of you out there who don't give a shit and think that metal is dead FUCK YOU!!. I have been a fan since 1990 Seasons in the Abyss motherfucker. Some critics will say that they peaked in 1986 with Reign in Blood. The album is widely considered as one of the greatest metal albums ever made. This opinion was supported by the band themselves when they embarked on the Still Reigning Tour in 2004. The tour featured the original lineup back together for the first time since 1990. With the return of drummer Dave Lombardo Slayer would play the entire Reign in Blood album. Famously ending the show with the title track with a huge mushroom shaped fountain raining blood down on the band.

Since I am a post 1990 fan, I was fucking 8 when Reign in Blood came out, personally I disagree with the aforementioned "some critics". Slayer peaked for me in 1998 with Diabolus in Musica. This album feature some of my all time favorite tracks Slayer tracks namely Bitter Peace and Perversions of Pain. Don't get me wrong there fallow up to that 2001's God Hates Us All featured some of the best anti-christiam propaganda ever and was no disappointment. Just check out the following lines from the 2nd track Desciple:

Drones since the dawn of time
Compelled to live your sheltered lives
Not once has anyone ever seen
Such a rise of pure hypocracy
I'll instigate I'll free your mind
I'll show you what I've known all this time

God Hates Us All, God Hates Us All
You know it's true God hates this place
You know it's true he hates this race

I never said I wanted to be God's disciple
I'll never be the one to blindly follow

Man made virus infecting the world
Self-destruct human time bomb
What if there is no God would you think the fuckin' same
Wasting your life in a leap of blind faith
Wake the fuck up can't ignore what I say
I got my own philosophy

This new album will feature the first new material from the original lineup since Seasons in the Abyss. I have not herd it yet and my download has about 42 minutes left to go at the time of this post. With the title of the album and the cover art I can only speculate that I am in for some very welcome anti-jesus themes lyrics screamed over more dynamic a-typical Slyer progression.

*note this post will be amended with a download link as soon as I have it ready. For those of you who don't suck at the internet you can go to Kerazy Torrents and download it yourself. Just remember to be courteous to the members and say thanks. It could quite possibly be the best metal forum ever.

Download link as promised: Download Slayer - Christ Illusion - 2006

Preserved Craig's Listings

2006-07-24T15:46:00.000-05:00

Please don't use certain personal items of mine

Date: 2006-05-24, 1:15PM EDT

Dear Roommate,

I know you were expecting me to be gone for the day. I know that I don’t usually come back to the house 15 minutes after I’ve left, but I forgot the document I was proofing last night and although I do have an e copy of it, I needed the notes I made on that copy while we watched a movie together last night. So, I had to come back home to get it.

It was in our living room that I noticed a familiar sound coming from my side of the house and figured I might have bumped it while getting something out of my drawer this morning and it turned itself on. I was not very prepared for what had really happened.

Now, I know that we’ve become closer over the last month or so then we ever have been. We both lost our significant other at approximately the same time. We’ve been doing more things together, like seeing movies, getting drinks, sun bathing, shopping and the like. I still don’t think that we’re close enough that we can share “personal” items of an intimate nature with each other. I know we’ve talked about sex, but this might have been a little bit over the line.

When I got to my bedroom door and you were there, face buried in my pillow, on your knees, nude with my vibrator penetrating your anus and your hand feverishly rubbing your clit, I have to admit, the sight took my breath away for a moment. Now, I’m not turned on by other women, but you took my breath away.

The first shock was the nakedness in my bed while I was not there; the second was that you were using my vibrator and the third that it was in your butt. Now, I’m not against butt play. I kind of like it sometimes. But a few sickening thoughts went through my head in the 10 seconds I stood there with my mouth gaping open before I left without you even noticing I was there.

How often did you use my vibrator? Why on my bed? Why in your butt? Did you wash it afterwards? Now, if you have used it in your butt before, then your butt has been in me since my toy has been in me. I was not aware that we were sharing bodily fluids. Maybe we should kiss tonight to close the circle. *shudders* I wouldn’t even let my boyfriend put his penis in my vagina after it had been in my butt (until a shower anyway) because I don’t want butt in my vagina.

I’ll be tossing my toy tonight. Or maybe I’ll just put it under your pillow. I don’t want it anymore. All I can think about is weather or not my vagina smells like a butt now. I think I’m going to have to buy a douche on the way home tonight. Would you like me to pick you up an enema so that your butt doesn’t smell like vagina? And I plan on burning my sheets, pillow and comforter tonight so I hope you don’t have plans for the fireplace.

Thinking about this and putting pen to paper over the subject has just made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Sincerely,
Your Roommate

* this is in or around Oogiesville

Jesus Chrysler

2006-07-24T13:30:00.000-05:00

Sweet Shirt

2006-07-24T13:27:00.000-05:00

speechless
Originally uploaded by k.tommy.

This has to be the best top ever.

george washington

2006-07-22T09:14:00.000-05:00

"He had a pocket full of horses and fucked the shit our of bears!"

the Stash MegaPost

2006-07-21T14:08:00.000-05:00

POST REMOVED DUE TO OFFENSIVE NATURE

--YELLOWBEARD

Radmacher is Photogenic

2006-07-18T10:49:00.000-05:00

So I get this IM yesterday from Radmacher, didn't think he knew how to use IM. To my surprise I was wrong. This doesn't happen often so I am genuinely shocked in these rare occasions. What he does not understand is that he has to set an avatar. I cannot bare to have that fucking YIM icon defacing my beautiful desktops. This is not a huge problem because Radmacher never takes a bad picture and people seem to take a lot of picture of him:

KR Pic 1 KR Pic 2 KR Pic 3 KR Pic 4 KR Pic 5 KR Pic 6

Now I realize that he does appear to be mentally challenged in most of these pics. He might also find the above collection pretty embarrassing. I have to admit when you put them all next to each other like that it does make him look a little fucked up.

Your next question might be, "how could you choose just one picture with all of those options?" Let me tell you it was pretty difficult, but I finally settled on this one:

Not just because it will look good as an avatar, but also because I can put it in the lower left hand corner of pictures. See how it looks like Radmacher is approving of this monkey getting a blowjob:

Stealing Bikes in NYC

2006-07-18T09:48:00.000-05:00

I am so fucking board

2006-07-17T13:32:00.000-05:00

Work has been so fucking slow ever since the 4th. I have had shit loads of time on my hands lately while on the clock. Of course I have managed to keep myself occupied here. I am currently trying to install Ubuntu Linix on one of the old iMacs collecting dust on the shelf. I have been able to keep up on my news feeds, although I am a little bit worried now about all of this Israel Hezbollah shit. Today's big new on it is that Bush actually used the word shit when discussing the issue with Tony Blair. Seriously the fucking thing has shown up on Digg like 4 times in the past fucking hour.

I did just find this picture on Flickr:

Butterface?
Originally uploaded by Knuckledragger.

The first thing you see of course is this chick fly ass. Hell, that is what got me to click in the first place. On the second viewing I discovered that the look on the guys face is much more interesting. This guy is obviously a gigantic fucking douchbag. The doughbags look is very perplexing and I was able to come up with 3 theories on why he would be have that fucked up expression.

1) The girl is a Butterface.
2) His Viagra has just kicked in.
3) The girl has just told him that she has herpes.

Feel free to comment with your own suggestions. Because as everybody knows I LIKE FEEDBACK!

Jon exposes Senator Stevens on neutrality

2006-07-14T10:16:00.000-05:00

I know that the YouTube post are not the most popular, but I will make an exception in this case. Net Neutrality is currently a huge issue that will effect every one who uses the internet. If you are not up to speed on the debate I highly recommend you get with the program. To me there is really no debate and only one way to go on this issue: "DON'T LET THE GOVERNMENT SENSOR OUT INTERNET!"

“the sweet tang of rape”

2006-07-12T15:36:00.000-05:00

I really want to put up daily posts, but I am having a hard time doing so. It is not because of lack of content. Currently I have about 2 dozen unfinished posts between my drafts folder in MarsEdit and on my VoodooPad. About 5 or 6 of them are actually pretty good. The problem is that I am my toughest critic and don't like posting things that I am unhappy with. That is why drunk posting is some times effective for me because it is usually off the cuff and not really well though out.

In addition to that I have had a lot of downtime at work this week so I have been able to keep up on my news feed. I would say that I have scanned through about 600-800 RSS feeds per day since the 4th of July weekend. Here are a few fun links from my del.icio.us account.

FireFox Beta due out soon

Leia's Metal Bikini

Baseball Pop Hierarchy

Blogger proves one red paper clip can indeed buy a house

An Idiot's Guide to Her Sexual History

Adam Carolla hangs up on Coulter

a website called TaintPuncher.com

I have to take advantage of this service

That is all for now, but remember you can always find plenty more on my del.icio.us account all of the interesting shit I find while surfing usually ends up there.

Keeley Hazell

2006-07-10T19:37:00.000-05:00

If you don't know who Keeley Hazell is you are not using the internet correctly. A simple Google search will return over 1 million hits. The british 21 year olds beautiful natural tits have been plastered all over the internet for years now. One fan was kind enough to post a torrent file (12 MB worth) of high resolution Keeley pics. I have been kind enough to provide a direct link to the contents of this torrent below:

Keeley Hazell 79 High Resolution Pics download

Sorry about this one being the censored version. I was unable to find the one without that stupid fucking black bar. Once I do I promise that I will post it.

No Posts for Over a Week

2006-07-07T13:10:00.000-05:00

Well fuckin' sorry. I have been really busy and for the most part really drunk. This includes 3 days of boating/tubin/wakeboarding, a pub crawl, and 2 evenings worth of bar visits besides that.

The pub crawl was fun. I will try to write more about it later, but the IRS said he would do the post. Since I fell into this event through hanging out with him I thought this sounded like a good idea. He knows all of the people and bars that we went to and probably even the order. He might also be able to get copies of all of the photos his friends took. The fuckers didn't even use a digital camera so I am not even going to try. All I got was a pic of one of the biggest douchebags that I ever met.

All of the wakeboarding that I got to do over the holiday weekend was very satisfying. Although my neck and my back are fucking killing me now. I am not sure if it is from the falls or the sun, but I am starting to feel better. We also started developing a very interesting game that involved completing a pass from the boat to the tube. Check out the video clip:

Unfortunately, but not really to my surprise I was unable to get any pussy over the holiday. Of course I am almost positive that AFB was getting his dick wet on our nations birthday. He is so patriotic that on even an average evening you can find him lubed up in his living room cornholing some AZN, chewing tobacco, drinking beer, and watching football, all while wearing american flag as a cape.

Real People, Keeping it Real, with a real God

2006-06-26T14:21:00.000-05:00

I needed a water graphic for a new project this afternoon and when I did an archive search for water an old design I did back in September 2003 came up.

Based on my obvious anti-religion stance I thought that people would find it funny that I laid out this post card. How could I get through it without laughing and puking at the same time you ask? The hard-core christian bitch that brought it in was smoking hot. She had big beautiful tities, the kind that make you want to give her a pearl necklace. But Yellowbeard are you saying that you will leave your had for jebus behind for a hot piece of ass? FUCK NO! However I will always harbor fantasies about corrupting believers by tricking them into liking and trusting me enough to allow me to indulge my sexually deviant behavior on them.

Ripping Lips

2006-06-21T10:56:00.000-05:00

The best fishing term that I have ever herd: "ripping lips" came today from my brother. (pictured below)

It is a pretty obvious term, but let me explain for those of you have lived the "sheltered life". Looking for girls at the bar is often referred to as "trolling" or "fishing". My brother seems to have brought this to another level by referring to fishing as "ripping lips". He came up with this term by reversing the the metaphor of comparing fishing to picking up women. No longer do we even want to pick them up as much as we want to "rip their lips". Upon hearing this the possibilities of ripping lips began running quickly through my head. Laughter followed, women were offended, and this post was written. A new term is born ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. So let's get out there and rip some lips.

Woman Lake the First 2 days

2006-06-21T00:48:00.000-05:00

arrived around 2 o' clock
drank
grilled
swam
fished
played "goatwhore" (like horse with a basketball)
drank more
grilled
played botchie ball
fished
drank
played spades
slept
_______
Day 2
breakfast (pancakes and sausage)
pulled and tagged photos (iPhoto rulez)
drank
fished uDaMan had trouble peeing off this boat

grilled
tried the kyakes (they were really fun)
tube, wakeboard, swim
swam
botchie ball rematch
SMG misbehaves and gets sent to bed
played poker for shots
slept
_______
Day 3
breakfast (eggs, ham, hashbrowns, toast)
wrote this blog post & batched opt'ed photos

Once Upon the Cross

2006-06-20T14:22:00.000-05:00

I think that the annual Cross Lake trip get better every year. This was the first year where I was able to come up for both nights (Friday & Saturday). It was true what they told me the previous two years, "Everyone parties a lot harder on Friday night". So hard in fact that everyone is always a little be off on Saturday. Fuj & I remadied this by drinking Jack Daniels all day. I was really fucking drunk by 5 or 6 o'clock which made tearing around the lake on the Hippi Skippy really fun. We got some pretty funny pics from the weekend and I am eager to get them online along with receiving the content from the other 2 cameras.

Currently I am writing this on Tuesday, June 20th. The post was started while I was pulling the photos in the car on Sunday the 18th. I have not accessed the internet since I left for Cross on Friday the 16th. We drove through to Woman Lake on Sunday and as I expected there is no intenet access available to me here. I am barely getting cell phone reception.

**side note now that I have access

After just reading AFB's fine post I must say that I am happy to report that my friend has finnaly found someone he is willing to do finger-cuffs with:

Yellowbeards New Love

2006-06-19T23:19:00.000-05:00

I am sitting here, pissed as hell because the fucking Oilers lost game 7, and I didn't win the first annual Stanley Cup Hockey Pool, hence I am OUT $140. And being that Mike is out of town for the week, I decided to make a post. The good news is, I did get the pictures back from this weekends trip up to Kurts cabin. An annual tradition at Kurts cabin is to go the the Pizza Pub in Pine City, MN. While ordering our first pizza, I saw a twinkle in Mikes eye that I have never seen before. It turns out that this wasn't because he was shitfaced on Jack, but that he had seen this little blonde number walking around the place, dishing up Pizza and luke warm beverages. After pleading with him for 40 straight minutes, he got really quite and nervous around this young vixon.
To make a long story short, I was able to talk this little girl (16-18 we think) to take a picture with our favorite Blog publisher So maybe next year, you will have the courage to step up and give her her Brown Wings that she deserves (assuming that she is of age), possible with a bit more Boones Farm intake.

(P.S., I know this picture is WAY TO BIG, but I did it because Yellowbeard expects excellence from his contributors, and I like to let him down)

--AFB

one post b4 vacation

2006-06-16T14:02:00.000-05:00

I am waiting for AFB to pick me up and go to Cross Lake for the annual cabin trip. We will consume much booze and I will attempt to jump as much shit as I can. This includes, but is not limited to wakeboarding, jetskiing, off the sailboat, and women. After that it is onto Woman Lake for the annual family vacation. I am so fucking sick of work that this break is really going to do me good. Unfortunately I am not planning on having internet access while I am away. My Powerbook will be accompanying me on the trip and I will be able to post to Flickr via my phone. All of the blogging that I do will be posted upon my return unless I find a way to do that as well.

1266

2006-06-13T08:07:00.000-05:00

Last post and what would be more appropriate to finish up with then Deicide's self titled song off of their self titled 1990 debut album.

12/6/06 Track = Deicide

No lord shall stand before myself

I can strike the light and see through the truth
For I'm the Deicide, Dominus, what could you do
Thou has falled you now, one again and always will
On the cross, forgotten son, a sacrifice it had to be done

[Chorus:]
Died for me, well that's too bad I don't believe
Killed my sins of the evil what I am
Your destruction, reasons of a world in pain
Blind desciple (discipte?), you will never live again

Wage of death, course of life
Unsematic birth of the Deicide
Eyes of pain, pleads of death
As you're put to rest

Three days to rise
If he lives again he is sure to die
I killed jesus
Just to see him bleed on his pulpis throne
I am evil
I'm the Deicide and I killed the lord
No more reasons
I will kill the world in another form

I rule this world

NAIL HIM

[Lead - Brain]

I can strike the light and see through the truth
For I'm the Deicide, Dominus, what could you do
Thou has falled you now, one again and always will
On the cross, forgotten son, a sacrifice it had to be done

[Chorus]

1166

2006-06-12T09:56:00.000-05:00

Yes I am a day late posting this again. This time the blame falls on me and not Blogger. I was to lazy and hung over yesterday to even get off the couch. The boat trip was interesting unfortunately I only took 2 pictures the entire time. One of our bathroom on the boat, the piss bucket was very popular with the ladies. Some of them refused to use it and were haling ass for the bathroom as soon as we docked. uDaMan was proud to be the 1st female to use it and equated it to pissing in the woods. After the guys got more liquor in them we just started pissing in the lake. I do really love a good piss in the lake. The pissing situation wasn't the biggest issue it was actually the cold. There was no sun, it was like 50º, and it started to rain. The owners of the boat were not thrilled to be out there either. They did not have a charter license so taking any money from us was technically illegal. The boat ride was also cut short do to the drivers "poor night vision" forcing us to dock before dark. In the end I drove 45 minutes to get to the lake, waited 45 minutes for Metz & Billy to show up because they were running late. Then took a 2.5-3 hour boat ride. I am not complaining, it could have been better, but I was drunk enough to have fun anywhere.

Today's selection was actually presented by myself and a friend of mine as a poem by Glen Benton to our 11th grade English class. The teacher was a real believer and we knew it would really piss her off. It also pissed off some of our fellow classmates. But WTF if they are able to shove their beliefs in my face on a daily bases is it wrong for me to do the same?

11/6/06 Track = Trick or Betrayed

They will say that he loves you, he don't
From their bible they're controlled
His descent they expect in our life
They'll be waiting till they die
Disembark from their path of belief
If in turn will set you free
Cannot live with the fact that they're wrong
That there is no truth in god

Trick or betrayed
Their faith ends in pain
Rip up their bible before is(its?) too late
Time we undo unity
For it is for fools
In this world we don't need

Trick or betrayed

I think you should know
They know it's true
That their book is a hoax
Join us to see through the light
Christ is a scheme and will ruin your life

Trick or betrayed

Why insist on the cross died for us
His infliction never was
They assume that his death brought them life
To be dead will change their minds
When you see what you feel is not real
Disappointment is revealed
Cannot live with the fact that they;re wrong
There is no such thing as god

1066

2006-06-10T10:01:00.000-05:00

It's Saturday and I have some shit to do. I have to stop by with the SMG for Good Neighbor Days for awhile. Not sure why I bother that fucking festival is cursed and it always rains. Which actually does make the parade a little more interesting because you get to watch those fuckers scramble for cover under the fifty some tractors that make up this boring ass parade.

After that I drop off the short one and pick up my uDaMan & IRS to head out to Metzler's going away party (Metzler's MySpce Link). I have no idea who is showing up for this or if a boat cruise around Lake Minnetonka is going to be any fun at all. It certainly was for the Vikings, but we probably won't be fortunate enough to be provided with strippers and hookers. Either way there will be pictures and commentary posted tomorrow with another track.

Today's Deicide selection features on of the greatest death metal growls and evil laughs ever about 1:43 into the song. I think I am going to turn that into an MP3 ring-tone later this weekend.

10/6/06 Track = In Hell I Burn

Life has no meaning, unyielding obsession
Grasping at strings of a life I once knew
Death by my own hands, achieving objective
Blade to my throat, I calmly greet death

In Hell I burn, my faith is sustained
In Hell I burn again
In Hell I burn, no questions remain
In Hell I burn for Satan

Opened eyes dream, unheavenly torture
Raping the world of the dead
Burning in Hell and viewing the unseen
Satisfied feasting of flesh

In Hell I burn, my faith is sustained
In Hell I burn again
In Hell I burn, no questions remain
In Hell I burn for Satan

Master it's true
My promise I have kept
Fulfillment of the prophecies
The deity's dead

966

2006-06-09T09:07:00.000-05:00

Here is another site with the same basic concept as me, but Deicide songs are REALLY satanic. Well at least the other ones I posted were. Today's song is another classic in my mind and this one was inspired by The Evil Dead movies. The three E.D. movies are cult classics that every true horror movie fan has seen and loved. The first Evil Dead movie was Sam Raimi's first film and was made was he was still a student. These films helped propel Raimi to where he is now, directing the Spiderman Movies. Bruce Campbell the star of the E.D. movies has actually appeared in bit parts of the first 2 Spiderman movies. As a hard core Campbell fan I am very interested to see if he will make it into the 3rd Spiderman.

9/6/06 Track = Dead By Dawn

Book of the dead, pages bound in human flesh
Feasting the beast, from the blood the words were said
I am unseen, dreamt the sacred passage aloud
Trapped in a dream of the necronomicon

Seven lords of an evil and fatal force
Levitate through the secret and ancient doors
Unbegun, premenating bizarre
Swept away to the castle of Cantar

Seeking the tomb, tried to possess
Immortal sleep, visions of death
Drank of the blood, water of life
Splendorous son, show me the sign
You are dead
Blanketing fear, unknown to man
Demons appear, death they command

(Dead by dawn, dead by dawn, dead by dawn
DEAD, BY, DAWN) [X3]

Blasphermate me

[Lead - Eric]

We are what wars, and shall rule again
Dead by dawn, chanting death thee ancient hymm
This is not real, I am not the chosen one
Trapped in a spell of necronomicon

Torted pain, in the palace of dead
Rec(i?)tate, through the passages I dreamt
Dead, dead by dawn
Dead, dead by dawn

866

2006-06-08T14:56:00.001-05:00

To anyone out there who is actually reading this and listening to these tracks I apologize for not getting yesterdays post up until this morning. Blogger had some problems yesterday and even shut down for awhile. Then this morning I had a shit load of fake comments in my email. The site still appears to be acting a little funny.

Fuck I just tried to post this 12:21 PM and I am getting error messages again. I am also having trouble posting comments on another blog?!? WTF!

8/6/06 Track = Sacrificial Suicide

Satanized, crucified, feel the wrath of suicide
Incus fear of the sphere, angel darkness disappears
Covenant, blasphemous, open up unhollness (unholyness?)
Father Satan, let me just unholy sins

[Chorus:]
Suicide sacrifice
Destruction of holy life
Blood of unholy knife
Satan I sacrifice

Behold the crucifix, symbol of sterility
I am crucifix - Satan
Suicide sacrifice, profeasting evil night
Lust into reality - Satan
Angel of the black abyss, Satan lord I hall (hail?)
Insane blasphemous - Satan
Sacrifical suicide, Ritual to end my life
Benemoth incess my fate - Satan

Dammed to tell, end of my life
Wrath of God - Satan (Warth?)
Sin my soul, blesses with fire
Throne of stone - Satan
I must die, in my wake
Seventh gate - Satan
Suicide, end my life
I must die - Satan

[Lead - Eric]

Suicide sacrifice, thrust of evil deep inside
Lucifer never lies, take away thee mortal life
Demigod, Satan son, commend to body to the ground
Father Satan, I'll find peace when I am God

[Chorus]

TAKE ME!

Thursday Links

2006-06-08T14:56:00.000-05:00

How to use movie quotes correctly The Top Gun quote is the best.

Best T-shirt ever

Depressing Snapple Facts

a TnA site

The Next Rob Zombie Film

Batwoman is a Dyke

766

2006-06-08T08:11:00.000-05:00

Day two of my Deicide posting and this is one of my all time favorite Deicide songs off of Once Upon The Cross (1995) Kill The Christian was an instant classic for me as soon as I first heard it back in my junior year of high school. I even purchased a t-shirt featuring the album cover pictured below. I would still have this shirt today if it wasn't for this jusus loving mother fucker who spilled paint on it in art class. I always hated that SOB he was such a prick. That is one christian that I really do hope is dead today.

7/6/06 Track = Kill The Christian

You are the one we despise
Day in day out your words compromise lives
I will love watching you die
Soon it will be and by your own demise

Buried in hypocrisy
Lacerate your faith in god
Morally diseased
On the cross of Calvary your body bashed, defeated, stabbed

Blessing as you hate
Loyal to your enemies
Monetary faith
As him you'll pay for the lies of your prophecy
Satan wants you dead

Kill the christian, kill the christian
Kill the christian, kill the christian
Kill the christian, kill the christian
Kill the christian

Armies of darkness unite
Destroy their temples and churches with fire
Where in his world will you hide
Sentenced to death, the anointment of christ

In due time your path leads to me
Put you out of your misery

The death of prediction
Kill the christian

Kill the christian...dead!

666

2006-06-06T09:56:00.000-05:00

That is right the date today is 6-6-06, mark of the beast. In honor of this special occasion I will be posting one Deicide track every day for the next 6 days. On a side note it is a really nice day out today which put me in a great mood. On a day like this it is really hard to hate anybody even jesus.

6/6/06 Track = Behead The Prophet (No Lord Shall Live)

Deny resurrection, behead the nazarene son
Foredoomed holy spirit, our war at last be won
Legion crush jehovah, see through the faceless dog
Untie our world from Satan
You know it can't be done

Wipe away this world of unworth
Decapitation, Satanic rebirth
Off with his head to sever his soul
Beheaded prophet the suffer is yours
"Forever....."

Virgin, mother murdered, once warned but now is dead
Destroyed heaven's kingdom, in flames the righteous fled
Legion, thou has waited, beface the sacred dog
Satan's revelation, this world will always be ours

End of god the way it must be
Behead the prophet, let Satan free...

No god, no lord shall live
What always has should never been
No god, no lord shall live
Behead the prophet and we win

No man to begotten, infant Jesus dead
End of god forever, cast among the souls of Hell
Thou who has imprisoned, suffer by your own demise
Execrate the revelation, MASTER SATAN RISE!

Deny resurrection, behead the nazarene son
Foredoomed holy spirit, our war at last be won
Legion crush jehovah, see through the faceless dog
Untie our world from Satan
You know it can't be done

No god, no lord shall live
What always has should never been
No god, no lord shall live
Behead the prophet and we win

No man to begotten, infant Jesus dead
End of god forever, cast among the souls of Hell
Thou who has imprisoned,
Execrate the revelation,
MASTER SATAN RISE!

Chuck Timbernowski is a Player

2006-06-06T07:06:00.000-05:00

DAMN! I don't look like George Washington, but I do have false teeth (removeable of course I think we should get together for a little Happy Time. I like anal, missionary, and anal.. Sounds good? If so, let me know, I will make it worth you wile, and if not, I will buy you some Chinese. Do you like the Simpsons? Oh my god, my favorite show of ALL time.. Are you old enough to go to the bar? I AM! If not, I can buy you beer, its good, and will help you get through the DP I'm planning (My buddy Doug is coming over too )
Hope to hear from you soon!

Kisses (downstairs of course!)

Chuck

"pass the turkey, and try not to fuck it"

2006-06-05T16:17:00.000-05:00

So I email this article to my friend because she is obsessed with Jake Gyllenhaal. About an hour later I get the following reply:

What the fuck?!?!? That luck bitch, she'll have have to clean the poop off his dick to suck it....dirty job but about a million women including me would do it!

Now I am wondering where are these millions of women ready and willing to do ATMs? Not the cash machines mind you but rather ASS TO MOUTH in case you are not up on your porno terminology. JohnnyP always used to say poop on your dick is OK as long as it's girl poop, and I salute any woman who is willing to clean the aforementioned poo off of my dick with her mouth.

More Random ass humor
Barry Takes it in the Ass T-Shirt
Anal Sex is Hard Work
I Fucked Ann Coulter in the Ass, Hard
ass fuck conspiracy

103 Erotic Wallpapers / Desktop Backgrounds

2006-06-05T14:27:00.000-05:00

Ya know naked bitches and shit

download here (12 MB)

Sponge Bob Death Metal

2006-06-03T21:59:00.000-05:00

Investigative chat room reporting, via The Showbiz Show

2006-06-02T16:46:00.000-05:00

"I wanna donate a milk mustache from my charitable balls"

The Da Vinci Load

2006-05-28T16:32:00.000-05:00

The synopsis of this porno flick just killed me.

http://www.excaliburfilms.com/adultdvd/107179D1_Da_Vinci_Load_The_dvd.htm

Synopsis for The Da Vinci Load: "The truth cums out! Operatives of the Priory of Semen discover that Leonardo Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa using his own sperm, these keepers of the truth screw in the name of art and kill anyone who gets in their way."

Learning HTML Made Easy

2006-05-28T13:49:00.000-05:00

This is the best tool that I have ever seen for understanding the basics of HTML tags.

Technorati Tags:
yellowbeard, yellowblog, HTML

Worst Way to Get Dumped

2006-05-27T09:17:00.000-05:00

del.icio.us is the best

2006-05-26T21:38:00.000-05:00

Technorati Tags:
del.iciol.us, yellowbeard, yellowblog

Everybody should get a del.icio.us account. This is such a great concept and it is infinitely useful. Flickr allows you to share your photos, MySpace allows you the share your buddy list, and del.icio.us allows you to share your bookmarks. I realize that referencing MySpace along with Flickr & del.icio.us is wrong on many levels. Instead of ranting like I so often do (this can do it for me) let me just say that MySpace is the internet for idiots where as Flickr & del.icio.us are truely brilliant and cutting edge programable web sites.

First thing to do is to sign up for a FREE del.icio.us account. Then go here download and install the del.icio.us Firefox extension. Once again if you are not using Firefox get off the fucking internet. This will put a button next to your location bar. When you come across a site that you find interesting you hit the button, type whatever you want in the pop up window that appears as far as title, notes, and tags then post it. The tags are very important because they allow you and all other del.icio.us users to find relevant bookmarks.

Take a look at my account. I have started tagging sites that I want to check out later with tocheckout. I might not have time to read them at the moment or maybe it is inappropriate for work. By doing this I can log into my del.icio.us account from any where and to a tag search for tocheckout and all of the relevant bookmarks will come up. The site like Flickr also supports offers RSS feeds so I can subscribe to tags or someone else's account. Then every-time there is an update my news aggregator will inform me.

My ultimate goal is to find a few people with a knack for finding interesting shit on the net. Having them post said interesting shit to their del.icio.us account which I subscribe to along with my own. Then with a simple AppleScript getting it to roll the better bookmarks or maybe ones tagged with "posttoyellowblog" into one blog post. There for providing interesting and more unique content which will generate more hits!

Neo vs. Robocop

2006-05-26T20:35:00.000-05:00

Between seeing this vid and watching 24 end on Monday something occurred to me. I haven't seen Robocop in a really long time. It was always one of my favorite movies when I was a kid. I nearly wore that old VHS tape out watching it over and over again. If anyone out there has a copy they would like to share with me, shoot me an email.

Lewis Black is fun to listen to at work

2006-05-23T14:13:00.000-05:00

Jack Baur attacks a Christmas Tree

2006-05-20T08:20:00.000-05:00

Just when you think you've seen it all

2006-05-19T17:31:00.000-05:00

I downloaded a vid this morning from Stile of a girl shooting ping pong balls out of her ass into another girls mouth. Not twisted enough for you? Me neither, what really did it for me was watching the guy pack them in with his dick. I hadn't laughed so hard for awhile, and my week long bad mood instantly disappeared. So I have linked it below for your enjoyment:

pingpogballzinyourass.wmv

*note right click or save as file is 26 MB and will not stream well.

Cookin Steak

2006-05-19T10:12:00.000-05:00

Cookin Steak
Originally uploaded by YellowbeardMac.

I haven't had steak for a really long time, but we cooked these Know Names on Monday for Mothers day. I secretly drank about 5 of the rents beers in the 2 hours that I was there. I just stayed outside with the grill and beer. When I got board I took this picture.

This is my first post VIA my Flickr account. I am interested to see how this turns out because I use Flickr a lot.

My Grandma tha G

2006-05-18T20:21:00.000-05:00

How do i love thee?
Let me count tha ways:

1) Riding & Driving the tractors

2) Allowing me to toucher her cats

3) Spending summers with her & cousins for Bible School (yes that's right readers)

4) Giving me my 1st and only motorcycle (and allowing me to tear shit up around the farm with it)

5) Letting me drive her car on the highway at 13 years old

6) Allowing (+encouraging in some cases) me to burn & blow up shit at her house!

7) That tire swing (good times)

8) Torturing her cats

Wait I am starting to repeat myself now. What brought on this post? Grandma tha G is now 80...some years old and I just got to spend some time with her today. This got me to thinkin' about a lot of things. (appropriate paragraph break)

Yes, contrary to popular believe old people still do serve a purpose. They remind us of our own mortality, and regrets. It makes me think about someone who you might have took for granted. Who you never realize was important to you until it was to late. You could also look at them and take into perspective all the things that they went through in there life. A life that was so different and in an uncomprehensible time of your own. You might just be able to gain a little bit of insight and perspective to help you on your way. (possibly inappropriate paragraph break? to keep me from rambling)

I will outlive Grandma tha G, and I still don't know how I will feel about that? I am scared to think about it. I have been in a negative mood all week and I think that this is the most positive thing that has came from that (gaining perspective). That although regrettably, through her possibly soon and appending doom she will be at the very least survived and remembered by people who LOVED her. These people are in an abundance... And in the end what more can we really hope for?

(p.s.) Ya that 2nd paragraph is fuck, put if I don't post it now then I probably never will. And yes it is that kind of blog WE ACCEPT ALL KINDS (of posts) HERE!....post

Life As A Guy...

2006-05-18T14:13:00.000-05:00

Dailymotion blogged video

Life As A Guy...

Video sent by SaveManny

My first video blog, well technically it is Daily Motion's but these are really easy to post here. They will also be going into my links sidebar. Now I wonder if I can to the same with MyTube?

Beer Cheaper Than Gas

2006-05-18T09:23:00.000-05:00

Well it is FREE BEER! night so this is appropriate.

Town won't let unmarried parents live together

2006-05-17T15:51:00.000-05:00

Town won't let unmarried parents live together: "Read full story for latest details."

Holy shit are we going back to the 1920's or what here? Evicting people who don't meet "The town's definition of family"? This has got to be the most ridiculous thing that I have ever herd. I know a lot of people who wouldn't meet Black Jack Missouri's misplaced standards. Come on people get of your self righteous high horse and get with the times. god is dead and he is not coming back anyone who believes otherwise is a fool. With the fall of our "almighty lord and saviour" we have also seen the defeat or redefining of some of this fictional characters institutions. Or rather the institutions of religious fanatics.

...part II coming later

(Via CNN.com.)

Thanks a lot, WHORE

2006-05-14T21:46:00.000-05:00

In a quick follow up Post to my original pertainly to two drunk fuckers breaking my Towel rack, the Whore has been identified. While cleaning my kitchen, I found, and I am not kidding you, her fucking business card with picture on it. Did this bitch think I was selling my fucking house or what! It is either this, or she is hoping that I call her and fuck her, as she asked me to do while on the dance floor Friday night. Please keep in mind, that I had never met this gal in my entire life, she came up to me and started the sentence "Look, I don't want a relationship...." (the rest is a blur because I was fucking drunk, but it did include propositioning me for sex) I am not going tg put her name on here, but if this bitch ever tries to sell you a house, do NOT ask to see the bathrooms.

--AFB

The HJ Post

2006-05-14T14:59:00.000-05:00

The Question: What is with you and HJ's... They are way overrated

The Answer:
The HJ should be talked about to the point where it is acceptable in everyday life. It is so meaningless, but yet so good. I should be able to get one at a restaurant after my meal & before I get my check. I should be able to march right upstairs & get and HJ from the engaged girl sleeping in my spare bedroom gilt free for both parties. Mrs. J (AFB's Mom) can give me a HJ & you won't have any problem with it.

this is not over, there is so much i can say about HJs. but i am drunk and hung over, if i keep thinking about it i might start walking the streets requesting HJs from everyone I see....

Thanks a lot, FUCKHEAD

2006-05-13T19:18:00.000-05:00

As most of you know, it was my Manwhore Roomate's 27th Birthday yesterday. There were some great moments last night, like Big D tearing up the dance floor, my roommate ditching his hot ASS date Jessica, to hit on a fairly average girl on the dance floor, Billy almost fucking the new training girl at my work, and my old roommate Nick "The Filler" (Post coming) making an appearance. Unfortunately, my phone was almost dead, so I did NOT get any pictures of this. I did, however, get a picture of this which I was lucky enough to find when I woke up to take a piss this morning.

This was the doing of Travis "T-Dawg" , one of Metzler's closest manwhore buddies. In celebration of Metzlers B-Day, he choose a tribute Sex Romp with a fat chic in my bathroom, resulting in the destruction of my Towel Rack. To Metzlers defense, he did make an effort to fix this by the time I officially got up this morning, but it came crashing down when I used a towel after washing my hands. For the good of my fellow man, I will be posting a picture of this FUCKHEAD in the near future as soon as I get one.

--AFB

Photoshop Fun with Billy

2006-05-13T11:52:00.000-05:00

Thanks to my excellent Fuj Porn Series & Metz Broke J's Back I got another somewhat confusing request on Friday to Photoshop someone's head onto the gay cowboys. Billy sent me the following email:

"this one will be worth any drink/appitizer of your choice next Tuesday, put
our IT guy's mug on spiderman's face"

This was presented to me as a "Challenge" combined with the offer of FREE BOOZE, and the fact that these only take me about 5-10 minutes I was more than happy to comply. So I quickly made up this pic:

This is when I learned that Billy thought that the dark haired gay cowboy was played by the same guy who played Spiderman. (Jake Gyllenhaal vs. Toby McGwire)

"im sorry, imeant gay cowboy, i was refering to spiderman as the actor who
played him, my bad"

This earned Billy a space in his own joke. Realizing that this might VOID his FREE DRINK offer, I decided to do it anyway.

What's Worse than Breeders

2006-05-10T16:00:00.000-05:00

The people who encourage them by throwing baby showers. Seriously this woman came in and made me type the shit below. I almost puked, unfortunately I wasn't the one to take the order otherwise she would have gotten the annoying customer, or standard christian customer Mark-Up.

*inversely there is also the hot-chick discount!

Pregnoid’s

a “Mom-to-be,”

the Dad, of course

is her (fill in guys name or just sperm doner).

Life is changing

they will see:

a changing diapers

they will be.

Bouncing baby

on their knees,

sponging off

the poop and pee,

teaching baby

ABCs

right from wrong

and 123’s.

A challenge? Sure!

We all agree.

But filled with joy

and ecstasy.

So before their

household

grows to three,

before baby joins

their family tree,

let’s share a meal,

let’s all party.

Let’s give Pregnoid gifts

(see her registry.)

Oh what fun

it’s going to be

when we celebrate

with Pregnoid.

A baby shower for the Pregnoid by 3 clueless friends
Pregnoid is registered at: Babies ‘R Us
babiesrus.com Her colors: (WTF does this mean anyway?)

Maybe I should write my own version of this clever poem?

Grade my Paper

2006-05-05T17:19:00.000-05:00

Character Flaws

Every character in Shakespeare’s “Hamlet” is somehow wrought with human flaws. They are all individuals in pursuit of one thing or another, and all individuals who seem selfishly involved to the point where their position is weakened. In many cases the outcome is death, for most of the powerful characters are murdered or die. Hamlet, Polonius, and Ophelia all exhibit serious flaws, and it is these flaws that ultimately cause their deaths.

Hamlet is the most sympathetic of the characters, and yet he has many flaws. He is a proud man who wants to do what is right. The problem is that he cannot quite decide what he feels is right. At first the Ghost convinces him, that his father should be avenged:
O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain!
My tables—meet it is I set it down
That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain.
At least I am sure it may be so in Denmark.
So, uncle, there you are. Now to my word:
It is “Adieu, adieu. Remember me.”
I have sworn’t. (1.5.106-112)

He is determined to see to it that Claudius is killed for the deeds he has done. But, he begins to waver and question the validity of the entire situation. He goes from one position to the next, convinced at one point he should kill Claudius, and then unsure the next if he is being manipulated by the Ghost of his father. In this we see that he has no true and valid opinions of his own.
All of his relationships reflect this. For example, his relationship with Ophelia is vague and discouraging at best. While he feels that he is protecting Ophelia by feigning insanity, or by being insane, he finds that he has merely turned her away. “You should not have believed me, for virtue cannot so inoculate our/ Old stock but we shall relish of it. I love you not (3.2.115-116). His youthful ignorance concerning her fragile nature destroys her in the end.

Lord Polonius is a somewhat self-righteous individual who had a tendency to think that his wisdom excels all others. He is also a man who tends to mind other people’s business, and think that he has all the answers to life. He even goes so far as to offer his services as a spy so he can essentially find glory and be proven right in regards to Hamlet. These are the essential flaws that bring him to his own death at the hands of Hamlet.
In first understanding his character we look at how he presents himself to his daughter, illustrating that she is a feeble minded young woman who should listen to his wisdom. He is, after all a man, and her father as well:
Marry, I'll teach you. Think yourself a baby
That you have ta'en these tenders for true pay
Which are not sterling. Tender yourself more dearly,
Or (not to crack the wind of the poor phrase,
Running it thus) you'll tender me a fool. (1.3.105-109)
In this he not only tells her how feeble she is, but also informs her that if she continues she will make a fool out of him in society. In light of these few lines we can see how wise he believes himself to be, and how important he thinks social position is.
In another set of lines we find Polonius arguing how mad and useless and unworthy Hamlet is when considering the inherent wonders, perhaps, of his own family:
Ay, springes to catch woodcocks. I do know,
When the blood burns, how prodigal the soul
Lends the tongue vows. These blazes, daughter,
Giving more light thatn heat, extinct in both
Even in their promise, as it is a-making,
You must not take for fire. (1.3.115-120)
We again see his need for social acceptance, and the need to have someone tell him how grand he is when he asks the king, “What do you think of me?” (2.2.128). The king replies simply, that he believes Polonius to be “faithful and honorable,” something that does not truly illustrate that Polonius is wise or better than any other (2.2.129). However, Polonius elaborates on this and insists on telling the king his entire outlook on Hamlet and his daughter:
I would fain prove so. But what might you think,
When I had seen this hot love on the wing.
(As I perceived it, I must tell you that,
Before my daughter told me), what might you,
Or my dear majesty your queen here, think,
If I had play'd the desk or table-book,
Or given my heart a winking, mute and dumb,
Or look'd upon this love with idle sight,
What might you think? No, I went round to work, (2.2.135-138).
In essence, Polonius thinks himself to be grander and more important than he is. He perhaps even sees himself as infallible if not invincible because of his intelligence. He insists that he be allowed to spy on Hamlet, the last evidence of flaw in his character, which will end in his death.

Ophelia is a very honest and loving young woman who is truly concerned with the welfare and condition of Hamlet. She has wondered at his strange behavior, perhaps doubting that he is insane. But, she doubts herself in this, and she doubts the love of Hamlet:
My lord, I have remembrances of yours
That I have longed long to re-deliver.
I pray you now receive them. (3.1.92-94)
As a result, she is talked into spying on Hamlet, so to speak. She is talked into going to the madman and having a conversation with him in order to discover how much he really knows. In this she is agreeing to act other than she normally would.
In these respects we see a woman who is innocently in love, a woman who is naive and does not understand power and her world, and a woman who cannot wizen up and see some truths. She expects life to be simple, and her love to be simple. She does not grow or change with realities she learns, but perhaps relies too heavily on the advice and opinions of others. In this she clearly does not think for herself. And, in all honesty, when she does try to think for herself she drives herself insane, for she cannot truly envision what her world honestly is.
From what we know of Ophelia we see her as an honest woman, a woman who would not stoop to deceiving the one she loves. But, because she is confused, and because she loves Hamlet, she is talked into acting a part, playing a role, and pretending to be more in control than she feels. At first she is a simple girl, not quite sure of Hamlet’s affections. She proves herself still weak when she becomes the pawn of her father and the king. In the end, as mentioned, she does not know what to do, and when faced with truths and the understanding that she needs to see her world for what it is, she becomes deranged and kills herself. “Well, God dild you! They say the owl was a baker’s daughter. Lord, / we know what we are, but know not what we may be. God be at your table” (4.5.40-41)!

Hamlet, Polonius, and Ophelia all exhibit serious flaws, and it is these flaws that ultimately cause their deaths. Hamlet’s character was confused; deciding to kill Claudius and avenge his fathers death was his dilemma in the play. Hamlet had many opportunities to kill Claudius but did not see them through because of his uncertainties, this lead to his death. Polonius thought of himself to be grander than he really was. He felt that he was sly and sneaky while spying on Hamlet, which leads to his death. Ophelia was a simple woman that is unsure of what she wanted. She ends up losing her mind because she got caught up in all the deceiving and lying. Ophelia’s death isn’t clear as black and white but I feel that she in the end took her life.

Works Cited

McCallum, Alistair. Hamlet a guide. Chicago: Ivan R. Dee, 2001

McEvoy, Sean. Shakespeare The Basics. New York: Routledge, 2000.

Nardo, Don, ed. Readings on Hamlet. San Diego: Greenhaven Press, 1999

Nardo, Don. Understanding Hamlet. San Diego: Lucent Books, 2001

Shakespeare, William. Hamlet. The Norton Introduction to Literature. Ed. Jerome Beaty,

et al. 8th ed. New York: Norton, 2002. 12-78-1377.

HA! #33 couldn't agree more this fucking bitch is UGLY

2006-05-05T12:36:00.000-05:00

#33 - Sarah Jessica Parker – Awww, America’s sweetheart. If she lived in Salem present-day, they might dig up some old witch-burning practices. All I’m saying is that she looks like a witch. And not the “sexy” kind gals dress up like on Halloween. She looks like a witch that has flying monkeys and makes weird soup.

The 50 Unsexiest Women in the World: "Section: The World"

(Via The Phat Phree - Happy Birthday Daisy Duke!.)

Best Waiter Ever

2006-05-05T11:53:00.000-05:00

We had the best waiter ever for FREE BEER night at Major's last night. The guy kept taunting us to drink more and when 6 o'clock rolled around (last call for FREE BEER) he set us up with what is pictured above. Needless to say he got a really good tip.

My Fucking Power is Out

2006-04-30T20:08:00.000-05:00

Sunday 4:35 P.M. My Power goes out. So I decide to take a nap. The alarm clock beeps once at 7:45 to tell me that the power is back on. In the time it takes me to walk from my bed to the pisser to the kitchen the power is back off again. I finish what remains of my Subway Italian BMT and contimplate what I can accomplish with no power.

1. Mowing the lawn which I have put off now, fuck no it's raining
2. Listen to iPod
3. Read by candle light
4. Anything that I can accomplish on my laptop with the 75% battery life that remains with out use of the internet of course

Sunday 8:04 P.M. the power comes back on for good hopefully. What to do? Return to the couch and resume lazy unproductive Sunday watching TV. Dad just burned me a copy of Wolf Creek might as well start with that.

Hot Chicks = Lotta Hits

2006-04-29T18:26:00.000-05:00

Her name is Elin Grindemyr, don't know where she is from but look at her who fucking cares.

My Balls Your Chin

2006-04-28T12:10:00.000-05:00

The Song

uDaMan resturant review

2006-04-26T13:30:00.000-05:00

apparently Yellowbeard life isn't that interesting so he asked me to make an entry. Like my life is any more exciting. Since Yellowbeard is in love with shit stories or talking about poop in general i suppose i have one story i can add. About a week ago i went to minneapolis to meet my boyfriend for lunch (IRS). I got this really good hoagie at this place called Srgt. Preston's (it's a little bit passed the Jesus building) within like 1 min of getting home i thought my stomach was going to explode. I thought it was just maybe a really bad stomach ache but NO i had the shits BAD. The hoagie was so good i just couldn't understand why, maybe someone didn't wash there hands. I called and asked IRS if he had the same problem as i did and to my surprise he didn't. I few days later i meet him for lunch again and forgetting on how bad my ass hurt last time we went to the same place. I decided to get something different this time, whatever it was it tasted like shit. ( I chocked it down anyway because i wasn't paying) And once again i got home and got the shits but this time it was worse it felt like my ass hole was on fire. I'm not sure if its just me or if i have a shitting problem but i will never eat there again.

Jessica Simpson has a hamberger pussy & asshole

2006-04-25T15:00:00.000-05:00

One of my friends is very adamant about this. His theory is that Jessica Simpson although admittedly very beautiful hides a terrible secret. That secret is that her vagina and apparently matching asshole resemble hamburger meat. He goes on to further describe that this is the partly cooked and raw slightly gray, but still bloody brick of ground chuck. Not a small petite brick mind you, but a good 4-5 pound one. You know implying that her privates are not only ugly but also huge.

He is however very in love with Paris Hilton. Now in my humble opinion Paris is one of the most despicable human beings alive. But apparently that's OK because at least she doesn't have a Jessica Simpson hamburger pussy.

Right?

(Via Paris on Save Manny.)

Purchasing Software

2006-04-24T14:40:00.000-05:00

It is very rare that I will use my hard earned money to purchase software. uDaMan & I split a license for BluePhoneElite back in December when we got our Razr phones. The time before that was probably 2 years ago when I purchased MPFreaker for tagging all of my illegally downloaded MP3 files. Now since I have no problem with stealing music it would be assumed that I have no problems stealing software either, or anything else that could be downloaded digitally for that matter.

Due to recent information certain regrets, or what some people describe as guilt have arisen in me. I have been using illegally cracked copies of my now newly purchased NetNews Wire & MarsEdit for about a year now. Hell every post I have made on this blog has been generated from MarsEdit. Now I do agree that people should be paid for there time and hard work. I am a graphic designer by trade and I will not give my services away for free so why should a software developer?

I respect the hard work and innovation which is shown throughout all of the software that I use. I also support small business and the work from home be your own boss business model that most of these developers represent. This is a hard role to take on financially which I can respect, knowing what it is like to live paycheck to paycheck. I realize that this is not an excuse and the software that I am using to generate my income (mostly the Adobe Creative Suite) is payed for by my employer. My employer has also purchased many other pieces of software based on my recommendations and needs. The aforementioned software was of corse usually used illegally either in collage as a learning tool or in my personal life. I realize that this is not an excuse, but it is also very similar to these developers offering demos or lite versions of there software. A good example of a lite software package isVoodooPad Lite another wonderful tool that makes my life easier. If I were to use these tools to make money or just as indispensable tools as a computer user I would of corse purchase them. However at my current financial state I am unable to purchase a good number of the tools that I use from day to day.

Today I became a proud user of NetNews Wire & MarsEdit, two tools that have become truly indispensable to me. At their asking price of $30 for the package it still seems a little bit like stealing. I will also highly recommend both of these to anyone who is reading RSS feeds or blogging. Both products will make you more efficient and organized which if you are like me will give you a better user experience over all. As for the other software I am currently stealing I apologize and vow that when I have to money you will get your fair share. You don't know who you are do here is a list:

CDFinder - best CD cataloging tool
Transmit - FTP Client
Launchbar - application launcher this will be the next one purchased, I could not live without it
CandyBar - my Mac would be a lot uglier without it
Synergy - iTunes Hot key utility, my friend actually purchased this and gave me his serial #

(Via NetNewsWire.)

It's Here

2006-04-24T08:06:00.000-05:00

17 Inch MacBook Pro

Without the Blu-ray and HD-DVD burning drive as speculated, but still one hell of a portable computer. I would still wait until Macworld 2007 (that's in January) before even considering buying any new Mac. Personally I have always preferred the 15" models like the one that I currently own the 15" TiBook G4 1Ghz.

Fuck You free beer I Got FREE POT

2006-04-21T17:10:00.000-05:00

i think tiz bout time i pos some shit here. i m sic of readin all this goddamn bullshit. i was doin some cleanen in my garage tha othr day and i found this big fuckin' roach in the cushons of my couch so yesterday on 4-20 i smoked that motherfuka up. at first i didn't nowe how i was gonna even smoke that shit but then i membered back 2 when i waz 13 adn made pipes out of shasta canz. so i grabbed one of my empty beer cans and smoked that shit yo. here is a fuckin pic i took wit my baby mama digi-cam.

that fuckin lame ass bitch wont let me take naked pics of her so i have to put it to good use some how. so suck my dick and lick my ass just like your mom does it........:) my dicktategood!

17 inch MacBook Pro Coming Next Week

2006-04-21T14:03:00.000-05:00

17 inch MacBook Pro Coming Next Week: "The wait is almost over. Apple's 17' MacBook Pro is slated to hit the frontlines next week when it will be unveiled at the National Association of Broadcasters conference - this is a much earlier release then the original rumors..."

(Via MobileWhack.)

Holy Shit fucking Blu-ray and HD-DVD burning, I really hope this is true. My goal is to get a new Mac Laptop in 2007.

FREE BEER the next day

2006-04-21T11:35:00.000-05:00

It is now the day after. I was unable to finish this post yesterday because time was running short. If you are not in a seat at Major's (the bar with the free beer) by 4:30 then you will have to stand to drink your beer. Pictured above is the one pound hamburger they serve as a $14 appetizer. If you eat the whole thing single handed you get a T-Shirt. I could probably pull off this feat, but I would be seriously crippled for about three days. We actually had a pretty good turnout this time J&J the husband and wife team, Fletcher, Metzler the Man Whore, and even the Franziatap showed up to get drunk and belligerent.

Now that I sit here reviewing this I realize that it is not a very interesting post. I originally planned to write some shit about how I never capitalize god, but I always capitalize FREE BEER. Now when I write the word beer or free by themselves I do not find it necessary to capitalize them. The only other time that this could occur would be with the words FREE PUSSY. or maybe one of these others:

FREE ASS SEX
FREE HEAD
FREE MONEY
FREE DRUGS
FREE AZNS
shit i can go on and on, but someone is walking into my store and she has to little fucking kids with her.

FREE BEER

2006-04-20T15:48:00.000-05:00

So one of my friends tells me that a local bar is offering FREE BEER from 5-6 every Thursday. Being the sceptic that I am, I refused to believe this until I saw it for myself. And what do you know it is true so I am gonna go drink some tonight again.

One of those posts that could lead to trouble

2006-04-15T15:02:00.000-05:00

So far today I have got my usual Saturday chores done, with the addition of finally cataloging a spindle of various CD/DVD media content and diversifying the content on my iPods. Now I am sitting in my garage with the short one enjoying the nice weather, new music and my wireless internet access. Just check out this juicy booty on flickr.

The remainder of this post has been edited out due to the fact that I could be harmful to the poster. This is very disappointing to me due to the fact that I spent the last 20 minuets writing that very lengthy post. I will try to rework and post it later.

gotta keep blogging

2006-04-14T12:53:00.000-05:00

It looks like my last post was on 3/18/06. This is not good, no posting in almost a month. I have been really busy lately. I always say that if I could stop drinking and masturbating I could accomplish anything. Of course I would have better luck quitting sleeping & pooping. Since it is Spring now boozing & beating off are at there seasonal peek. That is as a combined effort of course. In the summer waking it seems to taper off cuz it seems that it is always to goddamn hot. Drinking will escalate for this same reason and combined with water sports & softball related drinking I am planning on having another fine shit faced year. Maybe this season I could also pick up a healthy drug habit?

On the other hand (pun intended) in the interest of accomplishing productive things, and possibly allowing the skin on my dick to return to normal instead of matching that tough layer of shit on the bottom of my foot. I could enter into a monogamous relation ship with another person. This way I can make her so all of the work until eventually we get sick of each other. At which point I will be trapped into something that I have herd called a commitment (am I using that correctly?) and will have no interest in fucking that commitment (still not sure?) and thus have to fill my day with other things.

This plan just might work, and as a bonus that fatter and uglier she is the sooner I will loose interest. Since there is always an abundance of fat and ugly I may have set a reachable goal for myself!

My 1st Torrent (and it's legal)

2006-03-18T21:37:00.000-06:00

Download the torrent file here

I promised to try and distribute my brother & roommate's snowboard video on the internet. This gave me a great opportunity to create and seed my first torrent. In light of my recent 2nd flagging for illegal downloading via the BitTorent protocol I had extra motivation. At my best conservative estimate I have downloaded probably about half a terabyte of various file over the past 3 years. Unfortunately, I have probably only seeded (shared back) only about a quarter to a third of that at best.

The torrents have given me so much over the past 3 years. Music, Movies, TV-Shows, Books, Pictures, and of course Porn, ohh dear god a lot of Fucking Porn. It is going to be hard if not impossible to give them up completely. I can get high speed internet from another telephone provider at a greater expense, but with my internet will my current provider also take my cable TV? When will it get to the point when I am slapped with a lawsuit?

Regardless of your position on illegal downloading, the torrents are the easiest most efficient way to distribute file. I have offered illegal torrents for download on this blog while lobbying their merits many times. They often get a bad rap because they are associated only with illegal downloading, but there is no denying their effectiveness. I mean come on over 500 GB in 3 years, right now these same people who are black flagging me are trying to figure out a way to profit from this.

Black Flagged Again

2006-03-17T14:22:00.000-06:00

Well it happened again, I got black flagged for illegal downloading. That is 2 strikes 1 more and my ISP will pull my service. This is actually the 3rd time, but the first happened while I lived with my parents. At least this time I was downloading something good the first time was for The Stepford Wives and they sent an email. This time HBO flagged my for downloading The Sopranos and someone from my ISP called me. Honestly there was only about a 4 hour window where the torrent was active that they would have seen me. I was really careful after my 1st warning, but that was two years ago. I downloaded all of season 5 of The Sopranos and never herd a peep.

First thing I am going to do when Is make sure that I have another source for high speed internet in my area just in case. Then (actually I have already emailed someone) I have to find another safe source to get The Sopranos. If anyone had access to a DVR and can send me the file direct it would be much appreciated.

Anyway Happy Fucking St. Patrick's Day

my 1st Video Pod Cast

2006-03-16T15:10:00.000-06:00

When in Colorado my brother & roommates mention that they were interested in Video PodCasting. I had never done it before, but I took their DVD and made my 1st one.

You can subscribe to the feed here:
http://www.michael.macosx.com/podcast/vpodcast.xml

Airport Blogging (return flight)

2006-03-13T06:50:00.000-06:00

Well once again I am here over an hour before my flight leaves, this time it is delayed about 20 minutes. uDaMan & her friend are with me this time, and we took the time to get some airport McDonalds which incidentally was shittier that regular McDonalds. Normally I would not even bother, but the drive from Breck to the Denver airport took about 3.5 hours thanks to the shitty weather, and peoples inability to drive in it.

OK so that is not really a fair statement to make because I have a horrible time with this drive myself. I hate driving in the first place. There are several reasons for this, which I cannot go into at the time because it is kind of off topic so I will save that for another post. Back to I-70 and the trip through the mountains. I had to make this drive on Wednesday when it was also snowing dropping Curt off and picking up uDaMan & friend. We left Breck at 3:30 to catch a 6:46 flight. In good conditions this drive takes only 1.5 hours. Curt missed his flight. I made him drive to the airport and watched the whole way scared shitless. It was my job to take us back and I sure didn't want to drive both way. I couldn't make uDaMan or friend drive because we would have died for sure.

The road from hell (I-70) through the mountains is poorly lit at night, it if full of hairpin turns, and you are going up and down mountains. This drive is unsettling in the daytime under good driving conditions. At night under good conditions it scares me a little, I have done it twice this way. Now at night with snow and ice on the road I am scared shitless. The pass is so steep in areas that is has those off shoots for semi-trucks to go up incase their breaks fail on the decline. When there was snow as in this case these same trucks are required to put snow chains on their tires. This really digs the shit out of the road and makes it seem like their are rumble strips everywhere. This causes a problem because when I hear rumble strips in MN it usually means that I am getting close to the edge. Now this is a little bit irrational because the rumbling from the chains occurs all over the road, but WTF my brain is trained that way, and in this case if you go off the edge you fall down a fucking mountain. Needless to say we made it alive and I poured myself a very big drink to celebrate.

Today since Curt missed his flight we decided to leave really early. We left at 3:00 to catch an 8:25 flight. My brother made the drive so the only thing that I had to deal with is the fact that he is used to it and flies up, down, and around this fucking road. I buried my face into my book and tried not to pay attention. The weather was even worse this time and we were a little afraid that we weren't going to make the flight. Brother being fearless and impatient drove quickly and even took some less safe frontage roads (ya that's right less safe then the road that is already fucking hard to navigate) we made it here ahead of time.

So now here I sit at my gate waiting for the plane to take an hour long flight home. I lucked out and was able to get one of the coveted seats next to a power source. This was very important this time cuz uDaMan forgot her power adapter for her iBook and through borowing mine left me with 5% battery life. Unfortunately like MN the Denver airport wants me to pay for wireless access. Fuck that I am going to go take a huge shit.

Back to Keystone and the Horseshoe

2006-03-10T14:18:00.000-06:00

It is Tuesday day 4 and I woke up with a horrific hangover and a sharp pain in my left wrist. I was actually debating weather or not I should sit out today. But since I have to make the long drive into Denver tomorrow I think that tomorrow would be a better day to take off.

So we went to Keystone and I finally got some pics taken. I managed not to re-injure my writs which was good.

We made another trip back to the Horseshoe for cheap drinks and $5 shrimp. Needless to say we had a lot of booze there and then stumbled across the street to the Salt Creek. This is fine establishment is a laid back type of dance club that serves $4 pitchers of High Life. I was also treated to a couple shots of Jameson by my new friend Jake. Jake is now being referred to as ACDC because he got blown in his truck by this slutty bitch wearing an ACDC shirt.

Veil, Fatty Patties and HJs

2006-03-08T13:07:00.000-06:00

Day 3 and Veil were fucking awesome! We barley covered an eight of the runs but we did several of them multiple times because they were so much fun. To put things into perspective we were only there with 4 hours to ride before closing. Even if we used the full 8 hour day that they are open you wouldn't be able to cover the whole resort. I was told that it is 7 miles across.

The only problem was that I got a little to comfortable doing rails and jumps that by the last run I got over confident and fucked up. On a rail that I had successfully hit 4 times before the tail of my board slipped off the end. This caused me to fall unfortunately onto the rail. My right ass check and left hand to the blunt of the fall. My ass wasn't really to sever of a problem but my left wrist was. It is making it very hard to do anything with my left hand including whipping my ass. Through this I learned something interesting about myself. Although I am right handed I have always whipped my ass with my left. Interesting isn't it.

On our 45 minute trip back from Veil to Breck we decided not to go out tonight and to grill fatty patties instead. My brother makes one hell of a good burger. I always put whirshisire sauce in the hamberger meet and onions if I can, but most people bitch. My brothers stance on that is "Fuck em onions are good". He also puts in bread-crumbs which is a new one to me and preseasons the meet with Lowrey's and pepper. They also have a counter top fryer so we got real seasoned curly fries. Needless to say after to quarter pound hamburgers, a grip of curly fries, and about 9 beers I fell into a food coma for the next 10 hours or so.

Ohh and as far as the HJs in the title I regret to report that as far as I know no one has given or received and HJ so far. I wanted to put it in because Curt really likes to talk about HJs. This includes, but is not limited to him telling the nice older lady at the base of the lift at Vail offering us sun-block that it was also good for HJs!

Breckenridge and The Horseshoe

2006-03-06T09:38:00.000-06:00

Day two and I finally get to ride at Breck again. Last year I only had a Copper Mountain pass so I didn't get the opportunity. It was a really good day the weather was perfect and I accomplished some things on a snowboard that I had never done before. I even perfected a few things that I just started doing.

Breck closes at 4 o'clock and unfortunately because of where we parked I was unable to take the 4 o'clock run which is one of my favorite things to do. It is an extremely long run (about 25 minutes) that winds through the condos and into the town ending right at the bus stop. The public transportation system here is amazing.

We ended up at The Horseshoe. Since my brother works there we were able to get a great deal on drinks. Eight car bombs for $6 now that is a hell of a deal and I fucking love car bombs. They also sell skin on shrimp for $5 per dozen these were excellent and we are 3 plates of them. Following a lot more drinks an intense ass sex discussion and me being told that most European women are fucking whores we left. We wanted to make it an early night so we can get up and make the 45 minute drive to Veil in the morning.

My only regret so far is that I haven't taken any pictures besides the shitty ones with my RAZR phone. Here is Matt at the top of peak 9.

Keystone, Mi Casa and the Brown

2006-03-05T23:47:00.000-06:00

Day 1 wet very well, ok so that's a lie, I didn't preform up to my snowboarding potential. but i rode (snowboarded) from 10am to 4pm. So I got my $30 worth of my discount lift ticket which usually cost $75 per day. My discount is thankfully contributed to the wonderful employees of Vail Resorts Colorado.

After we went to Mi Casa and drank $5 pitchers of High Life and ate $1 per beef/chicken/been tacos. The chicken are the best. This is something that I learned in the previous years but constantly forget. This is probably due to the High Life.

And now we come to the Brown. Now anyone who knows me would think that at this point I would be referring to shit. This however is not the case. The Brown is actually a bar in Breckenridge. It is an old house with multiple rooms converted into a bar. The rooms contain several different games including, but not limited to: pool, air hockey, and yes even ping pong.