Real People, Keeping it Real, with a real God

I needed a water graphic for a new project this afternoon and when I did an archive search for water an old design I did back in September 2003 came up.



Based on my obvious anti-religion stance I thought that people would find it funny that I laid out this post card. How could I get through it without laughing and puking at the same time you ask? The hard-core christian bitch that brought it in was smoking hot. She had big beautiful tities, the kind that make you want to give her a pearl necklace. But Yellowbeard are you saying that you will leave your had for jebus behind for a hot piece of ass? FUCK NO! However I will always harbor fantasies about corrupting believers by tricking them into liking and trusting me enough to allow me to indulge my sexually deviant behavior on them.

Ripping Lips

The best fishing term that I have ever herd: "ripping lips" came today from my brother. (pictured below)



It is a pretty obvious term, but let me explain for those of you have lived the "sheltered life". Looking for girls at the bar is often referred to as "trolling" or "fishing". My brother seems to have brought this to another level by referring to fishing as "ripping lips". He came up with this term by reversing the the metaphor of comparing fishing to picking up women. No longer do we even want to pick them up as much as we want to "rip their lips". Upon hearing this the possibilities of ripping lips began running quickly through my head. Laughter followed, women were offended, and this post was written. A new term is born ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. So let's get out there and rip some lips.

Woman Lake the First 2 days

arrived around 2 o' clock
drank
grilled
swam
fished
played "goatwhore" (like horse with a basketball)
drank more
grilled
played botchie ball
fished
drank
played spades
slept
_______
Day 2
breakfast (pancakes and sausage)
pulled and tagged photos (iPhoto rulez)
drank
fished uDaMan had trouble peeing off this boat

grilled
tried the kyakes (they were really fun)
tube, wakeboard, swim
swam
botchie ball rematch
SMG misbehaves and gets sent to bed
played poker for shots
slept
_______
Day 3
breakfast (eggs, ham, hashbrowns, toast)
wrote this blog post & batched opt'ed photos

Once Upon the Cross

I think that the annual Cross Lake trip get better every year. This was the first year where I was able to come up for both nights (Friday & Saturday). It was true what they told me the previous two years, "Everyone parties a lot harder on Friday night". So hard in fact that everyone is always a little be off on Saturday. Fuj & I remadied this by drinking Jack Daniels all day. I was really fucking drunk by 5 or 6 o'clock which made tearing around the lake on the Hippi Skippy really fun. We got some pretty funny pics from the weekend and I am eager to get them online along with receiving the content from the other 2 cameras.

Currently I am writing this on Tuesday, June 20th. The post was started while I was pulling the photos in the car on Sunday the 18th. I have not accessed the internet since I left for Cross on Friday the 16th. We drove through to Woman Lake on Sunday and as I expected there is no intenet access available to me here. I am barely getting cell phone reception.

**side note now that I have access

After just reading AFB's fine post I must say that I am happy to report that my friend has finnaly found someone he is willing to do finger-cuffs with:

one post b4 vacation

I am waiting for AFB to pick me up and go to Cross Lake for the annual cabin trip. We will consume much booze and I will attempt to jump as much shit as I can. This includes, but is not limited to wakeboarding, jetskiing, off the sailboat, and women. After that it is onto Woman Lake for the annual family vacation. I am so fucking sick of work that this break is really going to do me good. Unfortunately I am not planning on having internet access while I am away. My Powerbook will be accompanying me on the trip and I will be able to post to Flickr via my phone. All of the blogging that I do will be posted upon my return unless I find a way to do that as well.

1266

Last post and what would be more appropriate to finish up with then Deicide's self titled song off of their self titled 1990 debut album.

12/6/06 Track = Deicide

No lord shall stand before myself

I can strike the light and see through the truth
For I'm the Deicide, Dominus, what could you do
Thou has falled you now, one again and always will
On the cross, forgotten son, a sacrifice it had to be done

[Chorus:]
Died for me, well that's too bad I don't believe
Killed my sins of the evil what I am
Your destruction, reasons of a world in pain
Blind desciple (discipte?), you will never live again

Wage of death, course of life
Unsematic birth of the Deicide
Eyes of pain, pleads of death
As you're put to rest

Three days to rise
If he lives again he is sure to die
I killed jesus
Just to see him bleed on his pulpis throne
I am evil
I'm the Deicide and I killed the lord
No more reasons
I will kill the world in another form

I rule this world

NAIL HIM

[Lead - Brain]

I can strike the light and see through the truth
For I'm the Deicide, Dominus, what could you do
Thou has falled you now, one again and always will
On the cross, forgotten son, a sacrifice it had to be done

[Chorus]

1166

Yes I am a day late posting this again. This time the blame falls on me and not Blogger. I was to lazy and hung over yesterday to even get off the couch. The boat trip was interesting unfortunately I only took 2 pictures the entire time. One of our bathroom on the boat, the piss bucket was very popular with the ladies. Some of them refused to use it and were haling ass for the bathroom as soon as we docked. uDaMan was proud to be the 1st female to use it and equated it to pissing in the woods. After the guys got more liquor in them we just started pissing in the lake. I do really love a good piss in the lake. The pissing situation wasn't the biggest issue it was actually the cold. There was no sun, it was like 50º, and it started to rain. The owners of the boat were not thrilled to be out there either. They did not have a charter license so taking any money from us was technically illegal. The boat ride was also cut short do to the drivers "poor night vision" forcing us to dock before dark. In the end I drove 45 minutes to get to the lake, waited 45 minutes for Metz & Billy to show up because they were running late. Then took a 2.5-3 hour boat ride. I am not complaining, it could have been better, but I was drunk enough to have fun anywhere.










Today's selection was actually presented by myself and a friend of mine as a poem by Glen Benton to our 11th grade English class. The teacher was a real believer and we knew it would really piss her off. It also pissed off some of our fellow classmates. But WTF if they are able to shove their beliefs in my face on a daily bases is it wrong for me to do the same?

11/6/06 Track = Trick or Betrayed

They will say that he loves you, he don't
From their bible they're controlled
His descent they expect in our life
They'll be waiting till they die
Disembark from their path of belief
If in turn will set you free
Cannot live with the fact that they're wrong
That there is no truth in god

Trick or betrayed
Their faith ends in pain
Rip up their bible before is(its?) too late
Time we undo unity
For it is for fools
In this world we don't need

Trick or betrayed

I think you should know
They know it's true
That their book is a hoax
Join us to see through the light
Christ is a scheme and will ruin your life

Trick or betrayed

Why insist on the cross died for us
His infliction never was
They assume that his death brought them life
To be dead will change their minds
When you see what you feel is not real
Disappointment is revealed
Cannot live with the fact that they;re wrong
There is no such thing as god

1066

It's Saturday and I have some shit to do. I have to stop by with the SMG for Good Neighbor Days for awhile. Not sure why I bother that fucking festival is cursed and it always rains. Which actually does make the parade a little more interesting because you get to watch those fuckers scramble for cover under the fifty some tractors that make up this boring ass parade.

After that I drop off the short one and pick up my uDaMan & IRS to head out to Metzler's going away party (Metzler's MySpce Link). I have no idea who is showing up for this or if a boat cruise around Lake Minnetonka is going to be any fun at all. It certainly was for the Vikings, but we probably won't be fortunate enough to be provided with strippers and hookers. Either way there will be pictures and commentary posted tomorrow with another track.

Today's Deicide selection features on of the greatest death metal growls and evil laughs ever about 1:43 into the song. I think I am going to turn that into an MP3 ring-tone later this weekend.

10/6/06 Track = In Hell I Burn

Life has no meaning, unyielding obsession
Grasping at strings of a life I once knew
Death by my own hands, achieving objective
Blade to my throat, I calmly greet death

In Hell I burn, my faith is sustained
In Hell I burn again
In Hell I burn, no questions remain
In Hell I burn for Satan

Opened eyes dream, unheavenly torture
Raping the world of the dead
Burning in Hell and viewing the unseen
Satisfied feasting of flesh

In Hell I burn, my faith is sustained
In Hell I burn again
In Hell I burn, no questions remain
In Hell I burn for Satan

Master it's true
My promise I have kept
Fulfillment of the prophecies
The deity's dead

966

Here is another site with the same basic concept as me, but Deicide songs are REALLY satanic. Well at least the other ones I posted were. Today's song is another classic in my mind and this one was inspired by The Evil Dead movies. The three E.D. movies are cult classics that every true horror movie fan has seen and loved. The first Evil Dead movie was Sam Raimi's first film and was made was he was still a student. These films helped propel Raimi to where he is now, directing the Spiderman Movies. Bruce Campbell the star of the E.D. movies has actually appeared in bit parts of the first 2 Spiderman movies. As a hard core Campbell fan I am very interested to see if he will make it into the 3rd Spiderman.

9/6/06 Track = Dead By Dawn

Book of the dead, pages bound in human flesh
Feasting the beast, from the blood the words were said
I am unseen, dreamt the sacred passage aloud
Trapped in a dream of the necronomicon

Seven lords of an evil and fatal force
Levitate through the secret and ancient doors
Unbegun, premenating bizarre
Swept away to the castle of Cantar

Seeking the tomb, tried to possess
Immortal sleep, visions of death
Drank of the blood, water of life
Splendorous son, show me the sign
You are dead
Blanketing fear, unknown to man
Demons appear, death they command

(Dead by dawn, dead by dawn, dead by dawn
DEAD, BY, DAWN) [X3]

Blasphermate me

[Lead - Eric]

We are what wars, and shall rule again
Dead by dawn, chanting death thee ancient hymm
This is not real, I am not the chosen one
Trapped in a spell of necronomicon

Torted pain, in the palace of dead
Rec(i?)tate, through the passages I dreamt
Dead, dead by dawn
Dead, dead by dawn

866

To anyone out there who is actually reading this and listening to these tracks I apologize for not getting yesterdays post up until this morning. Blogger had some problems yesterday and even shut down for awhile. Then this morning I had a shit load of fake comments in my email. The site still appears to be acting a little funny.

Fuck I just tried to post this 12:21 PM and I am getting error messages again. I am also having trouble posting comments on another blog?!? WTF!

8/6/06 Track = Sacrificial Suicide

Satanized, crucified, feel the wrath of suicide
Incus fear of the sphere, angel darkness disappears
Covenant, blasphemous, open up unhollness (unholyness?)
Father Satan, let me just unholy sins

[Chorus:]
Suicide sacrifice
Destruction of holy life
Blood of unholy knife
Satan I sacrifice

Behold the crucifix, symbol of sterility
I am crucifix - Satan
Suicide sacrifice, profeasting evil night
Lust into reality - Satan
Angel of the black abyss, Satan lord I hall (hail?)
Insane blasphemous - Satan
Sacrifical suicide, Ritual to end my life
Benemoth incess my fate - Satan

Dammed to tell, end of my life
Wrath of God - Satan (Warth?)
Sin my soul, blesses with fire
Throne of stone - Satan
I must die, in my wake
Seventh gate - Satan
Suicide, end my life
I must die - Satan

[Lead - Eric]

Suicide sacrifice, thrust of evil deep inside
Lucifer never lies, take away thee mortal life
Demigod, Satan son, commend to body to the ground
Father Satan, I'll find peace when I am God

[Chorus]

TAKE ME!

Thursday Links

How to use movie quotes correctly The Top Gun quote is the best.

Best T-shirt ever

Depressing Snapple Facts

a TnA site

The Next Rob Zombie Film

Batwoman is a Dyke

766

Day two of my Deicide posting and this is one of my all time favorite Deicide songs off of Once Upon The Cross (1995) Kill The Christian was an instant classic for me as soon as I first heard it back in my junior year of high school. I even purchased a t-shirt featuring the album cover pictured below. I would still have this shirt today if it wasn't for this jusus loving mother fucker who spilled paint on it in art class. I always hated that SOB he was such a prick. That is one christian that I really do hope is dead today.



7/6/06 Track = Kill The Christian

You are the one we despise
Day in day out your words compromise lives
I will love watching you die
Soon it will be and by your own demise

Buried in hypocrisy
Lacerate your faith in god
Morally diseased
On the cross of Calvary your body bashed, defeated, stabbed

Blessing as you hate
Loyal to your enemies
Monetary faith
As him you'll pay for the lies of your prophecy
Satan wants you dead

Kill the christian, kill the christian
Kill the christian, kill the christian
Kill the christian, kill the christian
Kill the christian

Armies of darkness unite
Destroy their temples and churches with fire
Where in his world will you hide
Sentenced to death, the anointment of christ

In due time your path leads to me
Put you out of your misery

The death of prediction
Kill the christian

Kill the christian...dead!

666

That is right the date today is 6-6-06, mark of the beast. In honor of this special occasion I will be posting one Deicide track every day for the next 6 days. On a side note it is a really nice day out today which put me in a great mood. On a day like this it is really hard to hate anybody even jesus.

6/6/06 Track = Behead The Prophet (No Lord Shall Live)

Deny resurrection, behead the nazarene son
Foredoomed holy spirit, our war at last be won
Legion crush jehovah, see through the faceless dog
Untie our world from Satan
You know it can't be done

Wipe away this world of unworth
Decapitation, Satanic rebirth
Off with his head to sever his soul
Beheaded prophet the suffer is yours
"Forever....."

Virgin, mother murdered, once warned but now is dead
Destroyed heaven's kingdom, in flames the righteous fled
Legion, thou has waited, beface the sacred dog
Satan's revelation, this world will always be ours

End of god the way it must be
Behead the prophet, let Satan free...

No god, no lord shall live
What always has should never been
No god, no lord shall live
Behead the prophet and we win

No man to begotten, infant Jesus dead
End of god forever, cast among the souls of Hell
Thou who has imprisoned, suffer by your own demise
Execrate the revelation, MASTER SATAN RISE!

Deny resurrection, behead the nazarene son
Foredoomed holy spirit, our war at last be won
Legion crush jehovah, see through the faceless dog
Untie our world from Satan
You know it can't be done

No god, no lord shall live
What always has should never been
No god, no lord shall live
Behead the prophet and we win

No man to begotten, infant Jesus dead
End of god forever, cast among the souls of Hell
Thou who has imprisoned,
Execrate the revelation,
MASTER SATAN RISE!

Chuck Timbernowski is a Player

DAMN! I don't look like George Washington, but I do have false teeth (removeable of course I think we should get together for a little Happy Time. I like anal, missionary, and anal.. Sounds good? If so, let me know, I will make it worth you wile, and if not, I will buy you some Chinese. Do you like the Simpsons? Oh my god, my favorite show of ALL time.. Are you old enough to go to the bar? I AM! If not, I can buy you beer, its good, and will help you get through the DP I'm planning (My buddy Doug is coming over too )
Hope to hear from you soon!

Kisses (downstairs of course!)

Chuck

"pass the turkey, and try not to fuck it"

So I email this article to my friend because she is obsessed with Jake Gyllenhaal. About an hour later I get the following reply:

What the fuck?!?!? That luck bitch, she'll have have to clean the poop off his dick to suck it....dirty job but about a million women including me would do it!

Now I am wondering where are these millions of women ready and willing to do ATMs? Not the cash machines mind you but rather ASS TO MOUTH in case you are not up on your porno terminology. JohnnyP always used to say poop on your dick is OK as long as it's girl poop, and I salute any woman who is willing to clean the aforementioned poo off of my dick with her mouth.

More Random ass humor
Barry Takes it in the Ass T-Shirt
Anal Sex is Hard Work
I Fucked Ann Coulter in the Ass, Hard
ass fuck conspiracy

103 Erotic Wallpapers / Desktop Backgrounds

Ya know naked bitches and shit

download here (12 MB)

Sponge Bob Death Metal

Investigative chat room reporting, via The Showbiz Show

"I wanna donate a milk mustache from my charitable balls"